Why, Hello There!

This photo has nothing to do with this post, except that this morning on the way to school I was telling Keshi how much I loved him and how cute he was, and he told me to “please stop” before anyone saw us. This is my retribution, K. MOM POWER FOREVER. You have nothing to fear but fear itself, and your mother.

So! Hi! Hiiii! I have almost nothing to report, but whenever I catch up with people, I realize: I never have anything to report. So it shall be today on ye olde blog, just reporting the little nothings of the month for now.

Here are the things I do not have to report:

1. I wrote 30,000 words in January, if any of you would like to donate to RAINN, like I mentioned in a post previous to this one, which I am not linking to because I don’t feel like it this second. I did not run at all. I’ve been doing yoga, because apparently now I’m a hippie and did I tell you about this new hemp purse I got and kumbaya?

2. I am sending cookies to people. There are many dozens of you, so this may take me all year, but I WILL SEND THEM. I will. If you’ve asked, you’ll just get a lovely melty surprise in the mail, in, say, July. You can still email me and request cookies, any time. I would LOVE to send them to you. It is a great gift for me to be able to do this.

3. My new book is coming along! Finally! I think I shall have it out in April-ish. Unless it is May-ish. It is another romance novel, if you like that sort of thing. If not, carry on, non-romance-novel reader! We shall never speak of it again!

3b. My current book has been doing so well because of you and all those readers out there, so can I just say thank you? Thank you. You are making it possible for me to contribute to my household financially through writing, which is a really big deal. So, thank you. You’re wonderful. Your support and kindness means the world to me and my family.

4. I have decided, for now, because of my panicky-ness about various things that I will not bore you with, to not buy any more clothes except from consignment and thrift stores (minus the beloved Big Lady Panties. I will never give you up, six packs of Hanes Her Way. They can take away my freedom, but they’ll never take away my underwear that hits my ribs. Never!). I feel surprisingly not panicky about this. I have not bought a cheap Target shirt in….at least a week! Let’s see how long I can make it before succumbing to the Boden catalogue in the mail. (Curse you and your cute boatneck sweaters, Boden. Curse you to the moon!)

5. Every Monday, lovely retired people in my neighborhood make sandwiches for homeless men at a local shelter. I have wanted to this for years, ever since I started staying home with the boys, and I have never gone once, because I am scared. Of lovely retired people who give generously of their time. Well, I am going Monday. I am! Maybe! I hope! Maybe give me a pep talk and tell me the lovely retired people won’t eat me like I’m the little mammal and they’re the big T. Rex? I hope?

6. All of my hippie natural body and hair care is going really well! Except I kind of gave up on oil pulling because I got a cold. I haven’t washed my hair in a month and a half and haven’t used deodorant in a month. I’m sure you’re so proud of my filth! (I promise I bathe and look like a normal person, even though I will probably start pamphleting houses very soon about how the satellites are getting into your brains and so you should definitely be wearing this tinfoil hat).

7. I am working in a library again, part-time, as, get this, a librarian. Between the book writing and the librarianing, I am afraid that my addiction to the Internet has had to suffer. I’m just going to start pumping twitter and instagram through my veins one day, but until I do, just know that I’m on the other side of this screen, doing really completely well and good and fine.

8. I don’t know WHEN I’m going to do a “books I liked” post again, so let me tell you right-quick that you should check out Elisa Nader’s Escape from Eden if you like fast-paced thrillers, and The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert if you like literary fiction about lady scientists (or, you know, if you just like lady scientists).

9. Have I not sworn this entire post? FUCK IT ALL.