Did Someone Say The R Word?

If you ever want the complete, undivided attention of an author, mention you are thinking about writing a review of their novel. Yeah, only your mother has ever paid you that much attention. We spend huge chunks of our lives spinning tales while visions of five stars dance in our heads. The only thing more unnerving than the thought of a computer crashing, is the expectation of reviews.

Good reviews? No problem. You call your mother, she prints it, and leaves it on the windshields of cars in the mall parking lot. Bad reviews? Well, that is something akin to somebody looking at your newborn, and muttering about ugly babies.

I was chatting with a reader recently who asked me if I considered four stars to be a bad review. I told her no, offered to watch her kids and clean her house while she read my titles, and drank the case of wine I bought her. I've talked with other readers who tell me they have never rated any book five stars, and if they see a five star review, they assume the author's mother wrote it so she would have something to put on the windshields in mall parking lots.

As an author, I have come up with a theory. I have a dress I bought more than ten years ago. I love that dress. I have one friend who loves it too. I have another friend who thinks it is hideous. When I wear that dress, I stand a little taller and feel good about myself. I may buy another dress I love at some point. And I can only hope when I do, both my friends love it as much as I do.