Why Questing Movies Can’t Have Technology
I’ve been watching Legend of the Seeker a lot lately (short lived series and you must be a nerd like me to even be aware of its existence). One thing I noticed is that whenever there is a questing movie, whether it be in the future, an alternate reality, or some distant dystopian universe, the people all live like they’re in the 1800s.
Then I realized that is because modern technology would ruin any quest before it even started. So I decided to write my own terrible, modern day questing story. Enjoy.
A Questing Story with Modern Day Technology – an Essa Alroc Production
A grey mist rolled in over the empty, smoldering ravine. For as long as Aveylyeen the white mage, could remember, the Ravine of Perpetual Suffering was a place people avoided, rather than chose to gather. Today would be different though, because today, they were meeting to discuss the quest of the Siren Stone; a stone that was said to emit a frequency that would make any army its slave.
All together, there were 4 of them. Aveylyeen the white, mage of knowledge and purity, Reaile the green, mage of nature and endurance and Keddra the red, mage of lust and courage. Only one of their quartet was still missing.
Essa the black, mage of technology and convenient plot twists.
Suddenly, the roar of a powerful dragon could be heard. All three mages turned their attention to the sound. There was Essa the black, pulling her Dodge into a parking spot between the Ravine of Perpetual Suffering and the Waffle House on International Drive.
Essa walked up checking her iPhone. “Yeah, someone texted me about a quest?”
Aveylyeen nodded sagely. “We are to seek out the Siren Stone and destroy it. The stone holds far too much power for one man. Its magic comes with a price that will lead to the end of the world.”
“The only problem is that the stone hasn’t been seen in centuries.” Keddra added on. “Finding it is certain to be an exciting journey filled with much adventure and danger. We will have to search the Forbidden Valley, along the borders of icy snow desserts of Engledale, through the perilous poison bat caves of Angelee and finally, we must sail the treacherous seas of the Ocean of Perdition.”
Reaile nodded in agreement. “Along the way, we will probably run into Lord Aderbane, an evil wizard with an army of minions, who wants the stone all to himself. This is why we must begin our journey to find this stone, right away, before it falls into the wrong hands. The sake of the world rests on our ability to find and destroy the Siren Stone.”
“Found it,” Essa the black responded, from where she was bent over her iPhone. She flipped the phone around so the other mages could see her display. “It was on Ebay. There was someone who was bidding on it too, but I just clicked the “buy it now” option.” She looked up at the bemused group of mages. “Are you guys willing to kick in for overnight deliver?”
Reaile looked down at the ground. “We’re a little short,” she said apologetically.
Essa rolled her eyes. “I figured as much.” She clicked purchase and the Siren Stone was on its way. “Now, about destroying this thing…”
Aveylyeen’s eyes filled with worry. “For that, we will need to use the hottest lava of the Volcano of the Infernos. The journey there will take us through the yellow road of Hepatitis Highway, along the shores of the Rabid Lake, where we must do battle with a powerful dragon to be granted access to the…”
“Couldn’t I just pop this thing in the microwave?” Essa interrupted.
Aveylyeen tilted her head, considering the question. “I suppose that would work too.”
“Cool,” Essa put her cell phone away. “Then I’ll wait for FedEx to deliver the Siren Stone and I’ll stick it in the microwave.”
The other mages looked at each other in confusion. “Should it really be this easy?”
Essa shrugged. “Crisis averted thanks to modern technology. What do you guys want to do with the remaining 180 pages?”
The mages conferred. “Get drunk and play twister.”
“You read my mind.”
