THE CURSE OF…
It makes them angry. That’s the thing to remember. Something similar happens with music. An evolved human might listen to Coltrane or Scriabin, Miles Davis or Mozart. They might choose Sondheim or Cole Porter one day, Marianne Faithfull or Vedvik/Tillman the next. Perhaps a Puccini aria? Patsy Cline? A Mahler symphony? But such individuals are rare. Most subsist entirely on a musical diet of whatever pop songs are being aggressively marketed, and a substantial subset are fanatically devoted to particular performers or types of music – from bubblegum to thrash metal – and loathe everything else. Brought into contact with the unfamiliar, these folks are not merely uninterested. They’re furious.
Classical music is pretentious. Jazz is boring. Modern opera? Electronica? Are you kidding? It’s an outrage such things even exist.
This is not encouraging for artists of any sort.
And so we come to books...
So many fans of Horror despise everything else. And how many Romance readers ever deviate from their chosen genre? Science Fiction devotees? Mystery fans? This can grow even more specialized. Aficionados of NA MM Dystopian Paranormal Westerns apparently detest everything outside those parameters – it’s the Curse of Amazon. Millions of titles, countless categories. Literature as product. Books by the pound. Correction: by the ton.
By the megaton.
Sadly, we’ll see more of such attitudes. In the literary world, professional standards have largely ceased to exist. The proliferation of self-published novels, unblemished by grammar or punctuation, the popularity of Write Your Novel in Thirty Minutes events, the various supposed organizations for writers (which exist merely to persuade readers that they too must be published), all contribute to this decline. Even ancillary fields like literary criticism have largely been obliterated. What passes for book reviews these days reminds me of the sort of customer comments that once appeared on the Sears website about headphones or oven mitts. “I hate all that prose and literary stuff,” says a reviewer for one of my own novels on Amazon. Another complains bitterly about “descriptions” and “dialogue.” Still another resents “all those characters.” Yes, yes. Clearly, such elements have no place in fiction. What was I thinking? It’s amazing how these comments proliferate whenever my publisher holds one of their $1 sales. Possibly, people who exclusively buy .99¢ ebooks are simply more discerning than others.
Possibly, I am Ludwig of Bavaria.
But I don’t take it personally. No, really, I don’t. How could I? I’m in good company. Look around. Classics that once were hailed as works of genius are now routinely reviled. The literary landscape is no longer a fertile plain upon which talent flourishes… but a vast trash heap where writers scrabble for scraps. I’m sure the other 100,000+ authors on Goodreads have had similar experiences.
Don’t feel too bad. (Try to see it as a badge of honor.) The nice thing about the Internet is that it gives everyone a voice. The bad thing about the Internet is that it gives everyone a voice. Even the Old Masters have problems with trolls these days. Here’s a sampling of my favorite comments culled from Amazon and Goodreads. Marvel with me at the depth of insight.
THE ODYSSEY by Homer
Avoid this.
[I love the simplicity of that one.]
HAMLET by William Shakespeare
Ridiculously dull.
[Probably due to the absence of zombies.]
DON QUIXOTE by Miguel de Cervantes
Offensively stupid.
[I especially enjoy folks who seem to be striking back at classics they were forced to read in school.]
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME by Victor Hugo
Not at all like the Disney movie.
[In case you were wondering.]
OLIVER TWIST by Charles Dickens
Encourages children to disrespectfulness!
[Fuck you.]
JANE EYRE by Charlotte Bronte
Way too many words.
[Particularly onerous in a novel.]
MADAME BOVARY by Gustave Flaubert
One of the very few novels that I have been unable to finish.
[I see this one everywhere, word for word.]
WAR AND PEACE by Leo Tolstoy
I do not recommend it to anyone.
ANNA KARENINA by Leo Tolstoy
I found it impossible to relate to any of the characters.
[I include two of Tolstoy’s novels because both reviews are so perfect in their combination of arrogance and ignorance. And don’t you love the assumption that a reader’s inability to “relate” is a failure on the author’s part? This one appears with depressing regularity, always regarding books that include characters who are black, queer, from other periods or cultures, or otherwise alien.]
THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN by Mark Twain
Whatever you do do not read this book. It is full of the N word.
[If they gave a Nobel Prize for cluelessness…]
SWANN'S WAY by Marcel Proust
This guy really likes the sound of his own voice.
[I'm sort of getting that.]
THE MAGIC MOUNTAIN by Thomas Mann
One of the most boringest books I have ever read.
[Anyone else have trouble believing that a person who uses the word “boringest” has read Thomas Mann?]
AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
This is definately one of the worse books I have read.
[But I enjoyed the spelling.]
THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL by Anne Frank
Very very very very very very very very very boring.
[Can you even imagine this person’s level of consciousness? I spotted another just as boggling: “All the elements for a good story are there, but whiny Frank just can’t pull it together.”]
1984 by George Orwell
DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. And please for the love of God don't read that "Brave New World" book. It is twice as worse.
[I adore misspelled, ungrammatical sentence fragments that warn about bad prose, e.g., "TO MANY ABVERBS!!!" And why are they always in caps? It's like being shouted at by morons.]
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J. D. Salinger
Not sure why this is considered a literary masterpiece. Throughout the entire book, curse words were used. DON’T LET YOUR CHILDREN READ THIS!!! The publishers should take this book off the market.
[Note: this book should not exist – a recurrent motif. We should probably burn all the copies.]
LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding
I am obsessed with Survivor, so I thought it would be fun. WRONG!!!
[Awesome.]
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by Harper Lee
I found this book so dull and uninspiring that I couldn’t finish it.
[It obviously needs sparkly vampires.]
SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
I have literally no idea what this book is about.
[Do tell.]
THE GRAPES OF WRATH by John Steinbeck
Terrible!!!!! I have read lots of books and this is the worst one ever.
[Another that shows up verbatim in a million places. What must those “lots of books” be like?]
BELOVED by Toni Morrison
1) Bad plot, bad writing.
2) DULL! DULL! DULL!!!!!!!
3) The content in this book is definitely R-rated or worse.
4) Highly regarded by the “highbrows.” I guess I am not in that class.
[You think? Sorry, but I couldn’t pick a winner here: they’re all so appalling. There must be fifty other reviews that complain about how “confusing” the book is… because if a person can’t read at an adult level, obviously the writer is at fault.]
ULYSSES by James Joyce
I honestly don't see how this book could ever get more than one star.
[Sigh.]
* * *
Real literary criticism – once an art form in its own right – celebrated erudition and interpretation. Does the current crop of crude remarks truly represent the contemporary reading public? They are to scholarship what Fox News is to journalism, achieving a level of near-mythic stupidity. No, I refuse to believe that these things exemplify the new normal. Perhaps they are the voice of some tiny but unduly verbal component – the sort of people who MUST trumpet their most boorish opinions. And invariably these attitudes are vigorously endorsed by others.
Or are they? Endorsed by others, I mean. The trolls and the sock puppets… couldn’t they all just be approving their own comments while pretending to be other people?
It remains something of a mystery. What is it they always say at the end of old horror movies?
“There are some things man is not meant to know.”
Classical music is pretentious. Jazz is boring. Modern opera? Electronica? Are you kidding? It’s an outrage such things even exist.
This is not encouraging for artists of any sort.
And so we come to books...
So many fans of Horror despise everything else. And how many Romance readers ever deviate from their chosen genre? Science Fiction devotees? Mystery fans? This can grow even more specialized. Aficionados of NA MM Dystopian Paranormal Westerns apparently detest everything outside those parameters – it’s the Curse of Amazon. Millions of titles, countless categories. Literature as product. Books by the pound. Correction: by the ton.
By the megaton.
Sadly, we’ll see more of such attitudes. In the literary world, professional standards have largely ceased to exist. The proliferation of self-published novels, unblemished by grammar or punctuation, the popularity of Write Your Novel in Thirty Minutes events, the various supposed organizations for writers (which exist merely to persuade readers that they too must be published), all contribute to this decline. Even ancillary fields like literary criticism have largely been obliterated. What passes for book reviews these days reminds me of the sort of customer comments that once appeared on the Sears website about headphones or oven mitts. “I hate all that prose and literary stuff,” says a reviewer for one of my own novels on Amazon. Another complains bitterly about “descriptions” and “dialogue.” Still another resents “all those characters.” Yes, yes. Clearly, such elements have no place in fiction. What was I thinking? It’s amazing how these comments proliferate whenever my publisher holds one of their $1 sales. Possibly, people who exclusively buy .99¢ ebooks are simply more discerning than others.
Possibly, I am Ludwig of Bavaria.
But I don’t take it personally. No, really, I don’t. How could I? I’m in good company. Look around. Classics that once were hailed as works of genius are now routinely reviled. The literary landscape is no longer a fertile plain upon which talent flourishes… but a vast trash heap where writers scrabble for scraps. I’m sure the other 100,000+ authors on Goodreads have had similar experiences.
Don’t feel too bad. (Try to see it as a badge of honor.) The nice thing about the Internet is that it gives everyone a voice. The bad thing about the Internet is that it gives everyone a voice. Even the Old Masters have problems with trolls these days. Here’s a sampling of my favorite comments culled from Amazon and Goodreads. Marvel with me at the depth of insight.
THE ODYSSEY by HomerAvoid this.
[I love the simplicity of that one.]
HAMLET by William Shakespeare Ridiculously dull.
[Probably due to the absence of zombies.]
DON QUIXOTE by Miguel de Cervantes Offensively stupid.
[I especially enjoy folks who seem to be striking back at classics they were forced to read in school.]
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME by Victor Hugo
Not at all like the Disney movie.
[In case you were wondering.]
OLIVER TWIST by Charles DickensEncourages children to disrespectfulness!
[Fuck you.]
JANE EYRE by Charlotte Bronte Way too many words.
[Particularly onerous in a novel.]
MADAME BOVARY by Gustave Flaubert
One of the very few novels that I have been unable to finish.
[I see this one everywhere, word for word.]
WAR AND PEACE by Leo Tolstoy
I do not recommend it to anyone.
ANNA KARENINA by Leo Tolstoy
I found it impossible to relate to any of the characters.
[I include two of Tolstoy’s novels because both reviews are so perfect in their combination of arrogance and ignorance. And don’t you love the assumption that a reader’s inability to “relate” is a failure on the author’s part? This one appears with depressing regularity, always regarding books that include characters who are black, queer, from other periods or cultures, or otherwise alien.]
THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN by Mark Twain
Whatever you do do not read this book. It is full of the N word.
[If they gave a Nobel Prize for cluelessness…]
SWANN'S WAY by Marcel Proust
This guy really likes the sound of his own voice.
[I'm sort of getting that.]
THE MAGIC MOUNTAIN by Thomas Mann
One of the most boringest books I have ever read.
[Anyone else have trouble believing that a person who uses the word “boringest” has read Thomas Mann?]
AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
This is definately one of the worse books I have read.
[But I enjoyed the spelling.]
THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL by Anne Frank
Very very very very very very very very very boring.
[Can you even imagine this person’s level of consciousness? I spotted another just as boggling: “All the elements for a good story are there, but whiny Frank just can’t pull it together.”]
1984 by George Orwell
DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. And please for the love of God don't read that "Brave New World" book. It is twice as worse.
[I adore misspelled, ungrammatical sentence fragments that warn about bad prose, e.g., "TO MANY ABVERBS!!!" And why are they always in caps? It's like being shouted at by morons.]
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J. D. Salinger
Not sure why this is considered a literary masterpiece. Throughout the entire book, curse words were used. DON’T LET YOUR CHILDREN READ THIS!!! The publishers should take this book off the market.
[Note: this book should not exist – a recurrent motif. We should probably burn all the copies.]
LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding
I am obsessed with Survivor, so I thought it would be fun. WRONG!!!
[Awesome.]
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by Harper Lee
I found this book so dull and uninspiring that I couldn’t finish it.
[It obviously needs sparkly vampires.]
SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
I have literally no idea what this book is about.
[Do tell.]
THE GRAPES OF WRATH by John Steinbeck
Terrible!!!!! I have read lots of books and this is the worst one ever.
[Another that shows up verbatim in a million places. What must those “lots of books” be like?]
BELOVED by Toni Morrison
1) Bad plot, bad writing.
2) DULL! DULL! DULL!!!!!!!
3) The content in this book is definitely R-rated or worse.
4) Highly regarded by the “highbrows.” I guess I am not in that class.
[You think? Sorry, but I couldn’t pick a winner here: they’re all so appalling. There must be fifty other reviews that complain about how “confusing” the book is… because if a person can’t read at an adult level, obviously the writer is at fault.]
ULYSSES by James Joyce
I honestly don't see how this book could ever get more than one star.
[Sigh.]
* * *
Real literary criticism – once an art form in its own right – celebrated erudition and interpretation. Does the current crop of crude remarks truly represent the contemporary reading public? They are to scholarship what Fox News is to journalism, achieving a level of near-mythic stupidity. No, I refuse to believe that these things exemplify the new normal. Perhaps they are the voice of some tiny but unduly verbal component – the sort of people who MUST trumpet their most boorish opinions. And invariably these attitudes are vigorously endorsed by others.
Or are they? Endorsed by others, I mean. The trolls and the sock puppets… couldn’t they all just be approving their own comments while pretending to be other people?
It remains something of a mystery. What is it they always say at the end of old horror movies?
“There are some things man is not meant to know.”
message 1:
by
Marge
(new)
Feb 14, 2014 02:08PM
Agreed, Kealan. Simply brilliant. I was astonished, amused and rather saddened by those non-reader comments. Or should I say "wanna-be reader" comments.
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You want to depress yourself sometime? Read the comments from obviously highly intelligent but also emotionally juvenile and dead inside college kids forced to read THINGS FALL APART. They are hilarious in their ability to internalize the structure of how to "understand" something while being dismissively ironic about it, and yet so obviously incapable of handling the material - they know they can't, so they have to talk their way entirely around the outside and criticize, in what they think is the language of their "collegiate gatekeeper oppressors", everything they had to put up with by reading the book. Not stupid, but prime examples of too smart for their own good and the downside of postmodernist "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing"-ism
Unfortunately, universities encourage the scholarly approach to decimating/analyzing unto death exceptional literature. And those sorts you mention think they are all that brilliant. Yes, example of the downside of that quote.Gads! I ran screaming happily into the light after I got my M.A. and said "never again".
I'm one of those self-publishers who is adding to the not very good books though i do intend to grow haha, but the one thing that strikes me ridiculous is that people hate on a book (and like you said probably hating for having to read it at school) don't even give it the merit it deserves. To Kill A Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby two books i read in school two books that just aren't for me and i still treat them with the respect because they are great books. People have got to grow up and realize just because it to their liking, doesnt mean it is a bad book.
Lazy subjectivity is the curse of the last 20th/early 21st century!
What? Funny thing is that i have read evr one of these books. Its sad that there are those that do not appreciate lit, but to each his own. I always have fun with the "Books I Hate" groups We all have books we don;t like, or authors. I have two, very famous and well liked authors that i hate
BTW i laughed so hard at this i nearly puked. Great post
Rob, as usual your comments are not only telling, and witty but spot on. I enjoy even more touting and trumpeting of self-published works by others--presumably their Aunt Tillies you're thinking--but you'd be wrong. Other so called writers heap accolades on the what would have been embarrassments even a few years ago. My favorite negative critique of my own work is "This book was so scary I couldn't finish it, so I sent it back." Two stars.
Lisa writes: My favorite negative critique of my own work is "This book was so scary I couldn't finish it, so I sent it back." Two stars. Yes, echoes of Rob's prize quotes about his books, among others!
It does seriously concern me that "reviews" these days have been reduced to mindless and often ignorant opinions based on the uneducated whims of those who seem to think, thanks to the freedom and anonymity of the internet, are entitled to spew forth such unconstructive and unnecessary comments for the entire world to see. What seems to be missing is the importance one has to be informed on a subject before one forms a criticism. Unfortunately, thanks to Amazon's algorithms and such, it is these sorts of criticisms that directly effect what books are seen and found by potential readers. Reviews should not be "I liked it because it was good." Or "I hated it because it was bad." Why? For the love of everything, tell us why!
One should be able to appreciate a work for what it is, even if it is not one's favorite.
As someone who, at some point or another, has read each of the books mentioned above (some for classes and some just for myself), I can safely say I did not "like" every one of them. In fact, many of them were a struggle just to get through and I had to force myself to keep going. What I can say now, however, is that I am glad I have read them, that each one has enriched my understanding of the world in some way. And any personal criticisms I chose to speak openly about I would make clear were my opinions and be sure to state my reasons for feeling as such.
I would never, never, NEVER say that a book should not exist!
We could say we wish some people never exisited, like Hitler. But then, someone else would have come along to replace him, sooner or later. (sigh) Things are meant to be, though we often ponder why.
Keith wrote: "It does seriously concern me that "reviews" these days have been reduced to mindless and often ignorant opinions based on the uneducated whims of those who seem to think, thanks to the freedom and ..."I think this is by far my favorite understanding and explanation of the whole thing, why do we have to slander a book just because the reader didn't like it? At the very least say what was wrong with it in a very educated or at least helpful manner and get in with the day. To just go and hate it cuz you hate it is beyond me.
Yes, Michael. How can anyone HATE a book? The book isn't alive and if you walk away from it, it's not going to attack you and rip out your throat.
Marge wrote: "Yes, Michael. How can anyone HATE a book? The book isn't alive and if you walk away from it, it's not going to attack you and rip out your throat."because as the person above stated, they are faceless on the internet and think that the word hate is appropriate for anything they don't like. I say plenty of stuff I don't truly think and kind of exaggerate at time but even then nothing that really condemns a lifestyle or a book/movie and any other opinion or object.
my way of reviewing is giving the credit it deserves, then going and stating (politely) what it is I don't like about it. but that the person go on and read it anyways because everyone has their own taste. never do I go about stating it is shit and the like and say for no one to read it lest you be stupid. never.
that being said, they're all idiots lol
It is kind of nonsensical to hate a book. One can dislike it, or not enjoy it, or find it uninteresting, but really it just sits there doing nothing unless one chooses to interact with it, so why expend all that energy?Perhaps it's just part of today's culture in which everything is extreme. From politics to Animal Planet, it seems we are confronted with the biggest, the scariest, the fastest, the loudest, the farthest left, the farthest right, the most venomous, the stupidest, etc etc etc. So, two things happen: (1) With that as our standard level of discourse, nothing moderate can possibly be heard through the noise, and (2) we develop a habit of seeing things in extreme terms and lose all sense of nuance.
Or, y'know, they're just idiots ;)
Ah, but the various nuances of idiots, Michele!
I know. One hates to sound elitist, but -- seriously -- should people who can't read really be writing book reviews?
I work with teens at a public library and despite numerous efforts to teach them how to write a review based on things like pace, characterization, tone and so forth, many of them still turn in "I liked this book because it was awesome". It is disheartening, especially since I LOVE writing and reading reviews.I think part of the problem is just in the labeling. Instead of calling responses on Goodreads 'Reviews', we should call them 'opinions' or 'comments'. Many users I know are not trying to imply their responses are a definitive judgement on the book, just their own take and feelings. Obviously this is not the case for everyone, though.
I am still able to find quality reviews through publishing magazines, however, and even on librarian book blogs or library webpages. With the influx of information on the web, sometimes what seems lost is really only hidden.
Rebecca wrote: "...sometimes what seems lost is really only hidden."Lovely. Thank you for that.
Thanks for this, Rebecca. I wonder if you tried sharing a "review" that is NOT a review? Sharing a very cliched review as a follow-up and uses "awesome", "cool", etc. That sort of thing. Don't give up!I had a column in our high school paper called "Margi's Margin" (lol) and reveiwed books in the school library with verve & vigor. The librarian (a woman of stone) actually was actually nice to me.
"lol" has become like a smirk or a grin. No laughing out loud or ROTFLMBO or whatever. Yeah, "whatever".
Robert wrote: "I know. One hates to sound elitist, but -- seriously -- should people who can't read really be writing book reviews?"No. Not ever. And if that makes me sound elitist, I don't care.
Oh, thank you so much for that. When I got the one about THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL I nearly peed myself. To read it and think that it's fiction... priceless.Sometimes I come up with an idea for an element in a story and realize that it's too close to reality, and thus beyond believable for readers and their criticism. Then I meet people in life with strangely ironic names and think God is the worst writer I know.
Oh good. That's one of my favorites too. (It's easier to believe that they don't know who Anne Frank is when you realize they have no idea what the word "diary" means.)
Marge wrote: ""lol" has become like a smirk or a grin. No laughing out loud or ROTFLMBO or whatever. Yeah, "whatever"."Please, someone save me from the unholy acronym and the abuses that have been piled upon it. If I hear one more person pronounce their acronyms as words, and there be a word that's actually spelled like the acronym sounds, I'll drown myself in the nearest body of water using books by Virginia Woolf as weights.
Justin wrote: "I'll drown myself in the nearest body of water using books by Virginia Woolf as weights."Fortunately, she produced very slim volumes. Now if you had said Thomas Mann I'd be worried.
IS there a word "acronymonious" meaning hateful of acronyms? If there isn't one, there is now. :D
Robert wrote: "Justin wrote: "I'll drown myself in the nearest body of water using books by Virginia Woolf as weights."Fortunately, she produced very slim volumes. Now if you had said Thomas Mann I'd be worried."
Yes, but I was going for that ironic twist to my death, and was rather hoping for something quicker than what killed Mann.
Besides, Justin only weighs twelve pounds.
Justin wrote: "rather hoping for something quicker than what killed Mann..."Don't know anything about his death. Didn't happen in Venice, did it? Not that I'm suggesting this would take the sting out. Still...
Marge wrote: "Besides, Justin only weighs twelve pounds."It's what happens when you devour too many books. The good news is, I'll save on postage!
Okay, everyone, stop picturing Justin in a plain brown wrapper. I mean it. Stop.
A friend of mine, an author with an international reputation for the power and depth of his writing, got the most hilarious review on Amazon the other day. “Alright if you like a lot of words.”I don't know about you, but suddenly I'm speechless.
Robert wrote: "A friend of mine, an author with an international reputation for the power and depth of his writing, got the most hilarious review on Amazon the other day. “Alright if you like a lot of words.”I ..."
We've been ruining our perfectly good synopses with novels. Who knew?
Exactly! And pictures! Where are the pictures?
Justin wrote: "Sometimes I come up with an idea for an element in a story and realize that it's too close to reality, and thus beyond believable...."I've always maintained that fiction must adhere to much higher standards than reality. Reality can just be a bunch of stuff that happens. Fiction has to make sense.
Robert wrote: "Exactly! And pictures! Where are the pictures?" PHOTOGRAPHS! You have photographs?
And a new rallying cry: "Beware the Angry Illiterates."
Aye, aye! Let us add, "Beware the Trolls" as well.
Lisa wrote: "Rob, as usual your comments are not only telling, and witty but spot on. My favorite negative critique of my own work is "This book was so scary I couldn't finish it, so I sent it back."Lisa, I love this. Criticizing a horror novel for being too scary is like criticizing a romance novel for being too romantic.
Possibly, I am Ludwig of Bavaria.I knew it!!!!!!
Well, I was going to say "Marie of Romania" but...
I'm told there's a small band of trolls who cite this blog as evidence that "Dunbar is comparing himself to Hamlet." Does anyone want to explain to them that Hamlet is a character? Anyone?
Some gal reviewed my collection and said that "Byron would roll over in his grave" to read my poetry. I thought that was pretty funny. I think she posted it on Amazon as a review.
She of course is intimately acquainted with him.
Robert wrote: "I'm told there's a small band of trolls who cite this blog as evidence that "Dunbar is comparing himself to Hamlet." Does anyone want to explain to them that Hamlet is a character? Anyone?" This is kind of depressing, somehow.
It is certainly pathetic.
Another prize. (I really should stop reading these things, but sometimes you just can't look away.) Again about THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL: "I know the holocaust was sad and all, but give me a break. You whine too much, also too much information!"I swear I'm not making this up.
