A Trio of Terrible Dates
Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays where it’s very easy to believe that you are the only person not celebrating the day with Belgian chocolates, wispy lingerie, and adoring pronouncements by those you love. The relentless media onslaught creates a perfect storm for romantic disappointment. Everyone else is having great dates tonight! Why amn’t I?
Never fear, you’ve come to the right place – today, along with some friends, I’m here to remind you about the dark underbelly of romance, by recounting our Worst Dates Ever.
When it comes to bad dates, I don’t have one standout horror but rather a trio of tragedy, a taster plate of truly pathetic. Starting with the famous Quadrophenia date.
I was a senior in high school and a younger man asked me out, a junior who was a friend of a friend. He wanted to take me to see The Who’s Quadrophenia at a theater on the University of Rochester campus, but didn’t have his night license yet, so that was a smooth start. Still, he was a charmer. I felt very Mrs. Robinson, driving my sister’s car and allowing this young man to pay my way into the movie, as we joined a huge contingent of very boozed-up U of R students. Unfortunately, half an hour into the film it was not so much Love Reign O’er Me as Vomit Land Ne’r Me. I didn’t stick around long enough to see if it was a Mod or a Rocker losing his Nick Tahou’s Garbage Plate from the row behind me. The youngster and I hightailed it out of there and never spoke again, dually and duly traumatized.
Still, I don’t really hold a grudge against the U of R kid, because the second bad date story was when I was in college and ever so slightly overserved myself. A nice guy wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant in Philly’s Center City for our first date. However, all my best friends were going to the same dinner party that night, the one that stipulated that each guest should bring two bottles of wine. Never wanting to deny anyone my effervescent company, I came up with a brilliant solution and said yes to both. And when my poor date picked me up at 9:30 pm for our fashionably late dinner reservation, I was two and a half sheets to the wind and had to lie down in the booth at the fancy restaurant to sleep it off for a couple of minutes before the amuse bouche came. Sorry, Nice Guy Whose Name I Can’t Remember, not even while I was on the date with you.
But really, my Worst Date Ever was The One I Didn’t Know I Was On. I was a college freshman visiting my brother, a college senior, at his small college in the coldest part of New York State, for their annual Winter Carnival. The highlight of this Winter Carnival is the hockey game, and there was a Winter Ball afterward. I planned to tag along with my brother and his then-girlfriend to all the frigid, festive events.
On the Saturday of my visit, we bundled up and headed down to the rink. My brother steered me through the crowd by the shoulders until what ho! We were standing next to the rink, and a guy I’d never seen before. “I have to go somewhere,” said my brother suddenly, disappearing back into the crowd, and the guy took one long, appraising look at me and said, “So. You go to Penn. You must think you’re pretty smart.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, peeved at my brother for deserting me with Passive Aggressive Rink Guy, who would continue to make snide comments throughout the first period while my nostrils slowly froze together. When my brother finally returned to reclaim me, I was furious and couldn’t get out of there fast enough. “Why’d you ditch me?”
Why did my brother ditch me? Because that was Part One of a date! Part Two was when my brother, his girlfriend, and I entered the town’s only fancy restaurant for our pre-Winter Ball dinner that evening … and guess who was waiting at our four-top table with a corsage! I was so very happy to see Passive Aggressive Rink Guy again, and get to spend more time defending myself! It is so fun when someone sets you up on a blind date without telling you! Even better when the date dislikes you on principle before you’ve had a chance to open your mouth!
Full Disclosure: In fact checking my memory of this date with my brother this week, he says this is actually A Date That Never Happened. His words: “You are fine to remember this however you want. But no way I ever set you up with anyone.” I countered that I couldn’t make a story like that up, and if I did, I’d have definitely set it at a basketball game.
So if you’re still feeling blue about your lack of storybook romantic plans for today, remember that it could be worse. You could be spending it like me: arguing via email with my brother about whose memory is failing faster.
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Earth Mother just means I’m dusty
Comments“But really, my Worst Date Ever was The One I Didn’t Know I ... by alexandraThat picture is perfect. Here's to you, now wife of passive ... by AnnI hated blind dates!! Especially the secret ones. by The mama bird diariesBy: the worst dates ever | the mama bird diaries by the worst dates ever | the mama bird diariesI've been waiting ever since you gave me the teaser about this ... by ChiMomWriterRelated StoriesGenX Nostalgia: Reality BitMortification with a KStill in Rotation: Purple Rain (Prince)
