The Art Of The Condolence Letter

Saul Austerlitz considers it:

A condolence letter is a strange hybrid of forms. It is for the mourner, but about the deceased. It is formal, but emotional. It gestures simultaneously at the past, the present and the future. It seeks to provide solace while acknowledging that there is no genuine solace to be provided. It follows a rigorous order while retaining an open-ended flexibility. … A good condolence letter requires balance, demanding an “I” capable of turning its attention away from itself, and toward a missing other. It is about what death requires of all of us who are left behind, and often finds us incapable of providing: compassion. A condolence letter is an act of self-erasure. It is also an acknowledgment of failure. We provide comfort, but never enough; we pay tribute, but never fulsomely enough; we remember, but not deeply enough. We fail. We can only offer condolences, because we are unsure if they will be taken. All we can do is make the attempt.