Darth Beagle is plotting to murder me.
So I was sitting at my desk, working on a PowerPoint presentation on asphyxia, when I noticed Darth Beagle had decided to occupy my ottoman.
As an aside, I don't understand why more people don't keep an ottoman at their desks. It's less rude than putting your feet on the desk, and more relaxing when you have spend your days typing and writing. Also, anybody who notices you keep an ottoman at your desk immediately feels jealous.
Evidently it's also a convenient space for cats to hang out while you're writing. I can only assume it's because they find the noise of my constant typing soothing. Like the bubbling of a little waterfall in a zen garden.
...Yes, this is my equivalent of "take your child to work day."
Anyway, I'm working on my lecture. And for those of you who've never seen my desk, it's quite probably the single biggest disaster ever to to have occurred in the history of all mankind. With the obvious exception of Michael Bay's take on Transformers. Spread around me I have multiple books ranging from modernist poetry to crime scene investigation, an empty Smart Water bottle, near-empty glass of Kool-Aid, TWO Dr. Pepper cans, lens spray for my glasses, a coffee mug, several buttons I leave in random places advertising Siren Night and Bonnie Before the Brain Implants, my friend Tom's The Octopus album 888 (If he only knew the conditions I'd subjected his music to), an empty HP ink cartridge, mail, tax forms, a portable microscope, a PlayStation controller, a lens cap (I lost the camera), a black cat pencil sharpener that meows when you shove a pencil up its butt (thank you, my darling muse), a Galileo thermometer, a scientific calculator, a hole punch, three flash drives, four pens, a screwdriver, two USB cables (I think one plugs into a USB mini port), a half dozen purple bass guitar picks, several stacks of flash cards, a little plastic penguin, and a little San Juan Apóstol shrine.
At this point, it shouldn't come as any shock to any of you that this weekend's mess has spread off my desk and is nudging its way onto the ottoman. Which as I mentioned, currently features the biggest, blackest cat you've ever seen, Darth Beagle.
I didn't think much of it at first. Between PowerPoint slides I gave him a little scratch on the ear and pat on the back. He purred. I smiled, continuing my work. Then after a little bit I glanced down and noticed his fat little cat head was moving. Catching my curiosity, I tried to figure out if a fly had entered my room or some bit of light had his attention.
Nope. Nothing was moving.
In fact, Darth Beagle's seemed pretty transfixed on the book occupying the ottoman with him.
At first I thought, "Oh my god! He's reading! He thinks he's people!"
Naturally I took a couple of pictures, proud of my wise, learned little feline. And then I realized what he was reading...
Page one hundred and fifty nine of Forensics for Writers , which goes over the details of strangulation.
...
Anyway, I decided to take a short break from my lecture to write this blog and price neck braces on Amazon.
As an aside, I don't understand why more people don't keep an ottoman at their desks. It's less rude than putting your feet on the desk, and more relaxing when you have spend your days typing and writing. Also, anybody who notices you keep an ottoman at your desk immediately feels jealous.
Evidently it's also a convenient space for cats to hang out while you're writing. I can only assume it's because they find the noise of my constant typing soothing. Like the bubbling of a little waterfall in a zen garden.
...Yes, this is my equivalent of "take your child to work day."
Anyway, I'm working on my lecture. And for those of you who've never seen my desk, it's quite probably the single biggest disaster ever to to have occurred in the history of all mankind. With the obvious exception of Michael Bay's take on Transformers. Spread around me I have multiple books ranging from modernist poetry to crime scene investigation, an empty Smart Water bottle, near-empty glass of Kool-Aid, TWO Dr. Pepper cans, lens spray for my glasses, a coffee mug, several buttons I leave in random places advertising Siren Night and Bonnie Before the Brain Implants, my friend Tom's The Octopus album 888 (If he only knew the conditions I'd subjected his music to), an empty HP ink cartridge, mail, tax forms, a portable microscope, a PlayStation controller, a lens cap (I lost the camera), a black cat pencil sharpener that meows when you shove a pencil up its butt (thank you, my darling muse), a Galileo thermometer, a scientific calculator, a hole punch, three flash drives, four pens, a screwdriver, two USB cables (I think one plugs into a USB mini port), a half dozen purple bass guitar picks, several stacks of flash cards, a little plastic penguin, and a little San Juan Apóstol shrine.
At this point, it shouldn't come as any shock to any of you that this weekend's mess has spread off my desk and is nudging its way onto the ottoman. Which as I mentioned, currently features the biggest, blackest cat you've ever seen, Darth Beagle.
I didn't think much of it at first. Between PowerPoint slides I gave him a little scratch on the ear and pat on the back. He purred. I smiled, continuing my work. Then after a little bit I glanced down and noticed his fat little cat head was moving. Catching my curiosity, I tried to figure out if a fly had entered my room or some bit of light had his attention.
Nope. Nothing was moving.
In fact, Darth Beagle's seemed pretty transfixed on the book occupying the ottoman with him.
At first I thought, "Oh my god! He's reading! He thinks he's people!"
Naturally I took a couple of pictures, proud of my wise, learned little feline. And then I realized what he was reading...
Page one hundred and fifty nine of Forensics for Writers , which goes over the details of strangulation.
...
Anyway, I decided to take a short break from my lecture to write this blog and price neck braces on Amazon.
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