400 Words
This is my new thing: unless there’s a damn good reason, everything I write on this site from now on (or at least until I get tired of it) will be 400 words long. No longer, no shorter. The reasons for this are varifold. (‘Varifold’ is a made-up adjective by the way. Furthermore, I reserve the right to make up as many of my 400-word quota as I dequire.)
Firstly, it’s an exercise. A kind of personal test designed to stop me wasting words, because words are time, and not only is life distressingly short, but also, it’s getting shorter every day. Henceforth my intention is, if I have something to say, I get in there, I say it, I go. There’ll still be ample time to turn a fine phrase – if I choose my words well – and hopefully even touch at least one human being in such a way that can’t clearly be demonstrated on a doll.
Secondly, it’s better for you. I know you’re busy. Life is not only distressingly short but it’s packed with things to fill your time – me too by the way. That last sentence alone was interrupted by David Sedaris, Thug Notes, a rather shocking video about whatever the hell it happens to actually be about and, perhaps ironically, a very exciting story about concentrating. So – I think we can agree – short is better. Gives us all more time to get on with our lives.
Thirdly, it’s a gimmick. Who knows, if I write a few really good posts that get passed around a handful of excited people, I might get a reputation as a sharp mind in a flabby environment, then before I know it, people will be saying, ‘Hey, have you read the 400-word guy? Yeah, he keeps it brief but entertaining. You should buy his books. He’s gonna blow up this year. In a good way, I mean. Not in an improvised explosive device.’
Fourthly, I was very tired of blogging and needed something to get me going again. Maybe this is it. We’ll see.
Like I say, there will, from time to time, be exceptions. I could never have explained, for example, how I became a Jew in 400 words. So if something of equal import occurs, I will be sure to break my rules just as breezily as I’m making them right now.
Anon!
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Filed under: 400 Words
