We Don't Need It, Because...
Imagine you are at work. Imagine that two coworkers you know well have just accomplished something truly wonderful as part of a team. Now imagine that one coworker is talking about this accomplishment at every opportunity, and to anyone who will listen. The second coworker doesn't bring it up in conversations in which it has no place, and doesn't brag about it when the conversation does turn that way. But they don't turn away or change the subject when you bring it up. They simply smile, accept your congratulations, and go on with their day.
I feel the need to write about modesty today.
And I feel the need to for several reasons. First of all, I got into a debate that brought back some very painful memories, and that's what the debate was about. Second, a statistic I found online. And third, because I think that my views on it are different than what most people have.
I had a very painful relationship a few years ago, and modesty was one of the core issues that caused problems. I had one opinion, and he had another. To give you some idea of what his idea constituted, exactly, he was arrested for sex crimes. He had a very...loose...definition of the word, if it even entered into his vocabulary.
But it caused problems because of how self-esteem and modesty are linked in my mind. And I guess they're linked in a weird way, as compared to most people.
In the example above, I wrote about modesty in a work context. Most people dislike braggarts, and value a modest attitude in that context.
With that said, our society's approach to physical modesty is very strange.
I am a woman. I have a woman's mind. Now, I can't say that all women's minds work the same way. But I know enough about the general picture that I feel I can accurately label things in a general way.
First off, women are raised from childhood to value beauty. Second, we want attention from the men around us. And we want that attention to be positive. Third, the larger part of movies and television depicts beautiful women as getting that attention, and the ones that are unattractive not getting it. Fourth, the definition of beauty is so unrealistic it's absolutely ridiculous. Fifth, only two to four percent of women feel that they're beautiful.
This is a potent combination. Have you ever wondered why women have such low self-esteem? This is why. Not for everyone, I'm sure, but I'm also pretty sure that this is a huge factor.
We all want to be attractive. We all want to be beautiful. We all want that positive feedback. But there's something else I want to direct at male readers.
Why do you think beauty matters to us so much?
Because we want your attention, and beauty is a proven way of getting it. We use it because it works. And that's not all. We want to meet our society's idea of beauty. And we want to do that because that brand of beauty is what's shown as being effective in our goal - getting your attention.
There are other reasons, of course. We all want to feel beautiful; we all want to feel as if we're attractive, whether it's for attention or not. But a lot of the time, the motivation for that is because we don't already feel that way, and need to look that way in order to feel better about ourselves.
My idea of modesty is not the idea of completely covering your body because you're ashamed of it. But neither is it that we can flaunt it all we want. My idea of modesty is believing that you are beautiful, but having a modest attitude. Not flaunting it or drawing unnecessary attention to it. The same idea as in the example.
Also, as a daughter of God, I believe I have an obligation to cover up more than the rest of the world. Perhaps the Bible doesn't have specific guidelines on what is and is not acceptable for a woman to wear. But I have a responsibility to show my good works, who I really am, more than my body. And wearing certain things will grab attention for the wrong reasons.
Think about it for a moment. If a man is faced with a woman in a bikini and a woman in jeans and a loose t-shirt, which is he going to want to look at more?
I want to be the woman in the jeans and a t-shirt.
Not only do I feel I have a responsibility to be different, to show God's values to others, but I have other more personal reasons, too.
When I attract attention for how I look, it's detracting from who I am. Not that I am less of a person because of that, but because someone is paying less attention to who I choose to be. What my character and personality are like. Because they are distracted.
When I fall in love and get married, I want my husband to love my body because it's mine. I don't want him to want me because he loves my body. It's going to deteriorate. I won't always look like this. And because I want that kind of relationship, I choose to cover up. I want attention for who I am, and who I choose to be. I choose to cover up because the men who are looking for something shallow and fleeting will leave me alone. And that's the way I like it.
I have the confidence to cover up and know I'm still beautiful - for all the right reasons. I know that physically I'm attractive. I've had my fair share of issues with it. But that's not what I want to be known for. I'm not super-skinny. I don't diet and work out because I want to feel sexy. I do it for my health. I don't wear nice clothes to look attractive or sexy. I do it because I'm a daughter and representative of God, and I need to present a clean, taken-care-of appearance to the rest of the world.
This world has given women a toxic environment in which to grow up. And it's not likely to go away. And it's not likely to go away because the beauty tactics work. We want male attention. Well, guess what? Men are looking.
"The second coworker doesn't bring it up in conversations in which it has no place, and doesn't brag about it when the conversation does turn that way. But they don't turn away or change the subject when you bring it up. They simply smile, accept your congratulations, and go on with their day."
Imagine a world where men and women view clothing in the same light. It might read something like this:
The second coworker doesn't dress in a way to get attention, and doesn't feel the need to have that attention. But if someone compliments them on their appearance, they smile, thank them, and then walk away. They have no need of such compliments to feel good about themselves.
A good friend of mine took this during a photo shoot about modesty. My original plan was to do a series of photos, with a paragraph to describe the idea behind each one. I might still do that, but I wanted to do this first. :) My friend took several, but this was my favorite. To visit her Facebook page, you can click the link. She's an amazing photographer. :)
I feel the need to write about modesty today.
And I feel the need to for several reasons. First of all, I got into a debate that brought back some very painful memories, and that's what the debate was about. Second, a statistic I found online. And third, because I think that my views on it are different than what most people have.
I had a very painful relationship a few years ago, and modesty was one of the core issues that caused problems. I had one opinion, and he had another. To give you some idea of what his idea constituted, exactly, he was arrested for sex crimes. He had a very...loose...definition of the word, if it even entered into his vocabulary.
But it caused problems because of how self-esteem and modesty are linked in my mind. And I guess they're linked in a weird way, as compared to most people.
In the example above, I wrote about modesty in a work context. Most people dislike braggarts, and value a modest attitude in that context.
With that said, our society's approach to physical modesty is very strange.
I am a woman. I have a woman's mind. Now, I can't say that all women's minds work the same way. But I know enough about the general picture that I feel I can accurately label things in a general way.
First off, women are raised from childhood to value beauty. Second, we want attention from the men around us. And we want that attention to be positive. Third, the larger part of movies and television depicts beautiful women as getting that attention, and the ones that are unattractive not getting it. Fourth, the definition of beauty is so unrealistic it's absolutely ridiculous. Fifth, only two to four percent of women feel that they're beautiful.
This is a potent combination. Have you ever wondered why women have such low self-esteem? This is why. Not for everyone, I'm sure, but I'm also pretty sure that this is a huge factor.
We all want to be attractive. We all want to be beautiful. We all want that positive feedback. But there's something else I want to direct at male readers.
Why do you think beauty matters to us so much?
Because we want your attention, and beauty is a proven way of getting it. We use it because it works. And that's not all. We want to meet our society's idea of beauty. And we want to do that because that brand of beauty is what's shown as being effective in our goal - getting your attention.
There are other reasons, of course. We all want to feel beautiful; we all want to feel as if we're attractive, whether it's for attention or not. But a lot of the time, the motivation for that is because we don't already feel that way, and need to look that way in order to feel better about ourselves.
My idea of modesty is not the idea of completely covering your body because you're ashamed of it. But neither is it that we can flaunt it all we want. My idea of modesty is believing that you are beautiful, but having a modest attitude. Not flaunting it or drawing unnecessary attention to it. The same idea as in the example.
Also, as a daughter of God, I believe I have an obligation to cover up more than the rest of the world. Perhaps the Bible doesn't have specific guidelines on what is and is not acceptable for a woman to wear. But I have a responsibility to show my good works, who I really am, more than my body. And wearing certain things will grab attention for the wrong reasons.
Think about it for a moment. If a man is faced with a woman in a bikini and a woman in jeans and a loose t-shirt, which is he going to want to look at more?
I want to be the woman in the jeans and a t-shirt.
Not only do I feel I have a responsibility to be different, to show God's values to others, but I have other more personal reasons, too.
When I attract attention for how I look, it's detracting from who I am. Not that I am less of a person because of that, but because someone is paying less attention to who I choose to be. What my character and personality are like. Because they are distracted.
When I fall in love and get married, I want my husband to love my body because it's mine. I don't want him to want me because he loves my body. It's going to deteriorate. I won't always look like this. And because I want that kind of relationship, I choose to cover up. I want attention for who I am, and who I choose to be. I choose to cover up because the men who are looking for something shallow and fleeting will leave me alone. And that's the way I like it.
I have the confidence to cover up and know I'm still beautiful - for all the right reasons. I know that physically I'm attractive. I've had my fair share of issues with it. But that's not what I want to be known for. I'm not super-skinny. I don't diet and work out because I want to feel sexy. I do it for my health. I don't wear nice clothes to look attractive or sexy. I do it because I'm a daughter and representative of God, and I need to present a clean, taken-care-of appearance to the rest of the world.
This world has given women a toxic environment in which to grow up. And it's not likely to go away. And it's not likely to go away because the beauty tactics work. We want male attention. Well, guess what? Men are looking.
"The second coworker doesn't bring it up in conversations in which it has no place, and doesn't brag about it when the conversation does turn that way. But they don't turn away or change the subject when you bring it up. They simply smile, accept your congratulations, and go on with their day."
Imagine a world where men and women view clothing in the same light. It might read something like this:
The second coworker doesn't dress in a way to get attention, and doesn't feel the need to have that attention. But if someone compliments them on their appearance, they smile, thank them, and then walk away. They have no need of such compliments to feel good about themselves.
A good friend of mine took this during a photo shoot about modesty. My original plan was to do a series of photos, with a paragraph to describe the idea behind each one. I might still do that, but I wanted to do this first. :) My friend took several, but this was my favorite. To visit her Facebook page, you can click the link. She's an amazing photographer. :)
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