Retreat – Position Overrun!

The last 72 hours have been bad.

They would, I’m quite certain, be better if I didn’t have the water issue hanging over my head but I don’t think that is all.

I’m in a hard cycle. It is about the right time for it and generally I’m not complaining. I’ve had worse.

I still trust myself enough to dive which is something.

But I have a very narrow window of function. I am waking and finding it difficult to adjust. This morning I ‘remembered’ that I had to go to the feed store to get layer pellets and cracked corn.

I wasn’t going to get out of bed but remembering the need, I spoke these thoughts out loud and thrust myself into a sitting position. My wife then told me I already had – that I had done that yesterday. I could dredge up the memory. I could place any images from my minds eye to match her statement.

I seem to have four hours. Four hours from that first sip of coffee until my ability to really do anything is gone.

I can force myself -some- but that really only leads to backlash later. Thinking hurts. Quieting the noise of my head, is a concerted effort. Distraction is needed to not simply claw at my own scull and tear the offending organ inside out.

Yesterday I was able to get more work done by playing music- loud. Today it seems to be bothering me. Tomorrow?

I need the weather to turn nice again to get out and work on the pump. As it is windy and snowing today, I’ll take the excuse and hope that by not pushing things I’ll come out the other side of this soon.

Filed under: Mental Health Tagged: antisocial, Bi-polar, Brain, crazy, cycle, memory, Mental Health, noise, weather, wierd thoughts, wife