Wednesday Briefs - Trouble Comes in Threes 2.2

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Welcome to the Wednesday Briefs flash group (click to go to the site). The short stories have a maximum of a 1000 word count plus links at the bottom to the other flashers. This week's prompts are:  


"A dog at a flea circus is likely to steal the show."
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."
"A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have."
"It was only a joke."
"Oh, give me a break."
"The deepest waters make the least noise."
or use: jeans, coffee table, Times Square
or use: pizza, birdhouse, ceiling fan
or feature a swimming pool in your story
or use: flashlight, pencil, cell phone
or use a machete in some way
or use: phone book, boots, flag  
or "Make yourself at home"
or use a WEP key

Trouble Comes in Threes 2.2
The two cats ambled over to me. Tiger jumped on the couch, turned in a circle a few times then flopped down next to my leg. He leaned against me, paws under him. Snowball claimed the other side. I drank my beer, watching as Snowball squirmed until he found a comfortable position.“Can’t you get fixed?”One ear twitched. Finally he got still. The first thing I noticed was the heat these two put off. It was amazing. It seared right through my jeans. It was like having my own personal heaters. Wow, not only did they put off heat, they were heavy too. I sat up enough to swipe the remote off the coffee table—disrupting both cats, of course—then eased back against the couch. Both of them expressed their displeasure with me by kneading my legs, turning circles again, and flopping back down. Once they arranged themselves in a satisfactory manner—and got me how they wanted—the purring started. Okay, that was… nice. Relaxing, even. Who knew? I glanced at the clock, seeing the time. The old year was slowly ticking down. I wouldn’t be sad to see it go, even if it did suck that I was alone and at home. I took another big gulp of beer and flipped through the TV channels. Well, guess I could watch the ball drop in Times Square. There sure wasn’t anything else on worth a damn tonight.I flipped between that and an old crime show as I finished my beer. “Okay, boys, I need to get up.”Neither cat so much as twitched. I looked from one cat to the other. Nope, no signs of movement. “Hmm, hello? Getting up here.”Finally Tiger opened his eyes, yawned, then glanced over at me. The look I received was nothing short of total exasperation. Nice, I’d managed to annoy a cat. Things were looking up.“Look, if I could levitate the damn beer in here, don’t you think I would? Now clear out, I’m getting up.” Neither cat moved. Fine. I stood, amidst much huffing and puffing by the cats. Seeing how close the coffee table was to the couch, I had turn to scoot past it. As I passed by Tiger, he reached out and lazily batted at me.My mouth dropped. “You did not just… Really? You swatted me?”“Meeer.” Tiger stretched, one paw reaching out toward me again.“Look, cat, if you want any more tuna you’ll—” Snowball suddenly leaped off the couch and head-butted me. “What the hell, Snowball? I guess you’re on his side, huh?” The white cat rubbed against my leg, back arched, tail held high. Then the bastard swatted me too. “Whoa, tag-teaming is against the rules.” I stumbled my way to the kitchen with Snowball weaving in and out of my feet. “You can not do this when I’m plastered, kitty. You’ll have me on my ass in no time.” And I totally tended to get plastered.Snowball let out a sharp little meow then left me to check out the water bowl. Shaking my head at the white cat, I opened the refrigerator door, grabbed another beer, and popped the top. “Guess I’d better hit the john if there’s going to be this much complaining when I try to get off the damn couch.” [image error] The half-bath was closer, so I used that. Now that I was staring at the commode, I was dying to piss. I lifted the seat, unbuttoned, and pulled out my… And suddenly, there was an itch between my shoulder blades. I hunched my back, my body tensing. Chill bumps raced over my skin. What the fuck? Holding my cock loosely, I gradually turned my head… and meet freaky blue eyes watching me.“Jesus Fucking Christ!”  Well, pissing was out of the question now. “What are you doing, Tiger?”“Mmmmrl.”“I’m trying to piss.” The damn cat just sat there, staring. When I entered the bathroom, I must not have shut the door completely. I was tempted, so tempted, to turn and shoot, so to speak. Really. But having my junk hanging out persuaded me that wouldn’t be a good idea. “Would you leave?”Nothing.“Please?”That odd blue gaze raked over me once more, then out he went. Hurriedly I used my foot to shut the door. “Thank God.” After a few seconds, my bladder unlocked and I could piss. Just as I buttoned up, a white paw stuck itself under the door, looking for something to swat. “Oh, for crying out loud, you too?”Something told me the days of going to the bathroom alone were over. I smirked as I opened the door, beer in hand. They wanted in there with me so bad? No problem. Let me eat chili a time or two and I’d bet they’d tear the door down trying to get out. Two could play that game. I returned to the living area to find they were both on the couch, waiting on me. I joined them,  settling down to watch the ball drop in Times Square. People cried, threw confetti, kissed, and acted all happy and shit. I finished off my beer and had another to celebrate the new fucking year, which could kiss my ass if it didn’t go better than last year. By the time I finished the third beer, I was buzzing quite nicely. Which meant it was time to start on the fourth.
By one in the morning I was groaning at the sleazy phone hotline commercials. All they had were girls. Where were the studs? By two in the morning, I was telling the cats dirty jokes. By three in the morning, all I could do was giggle at nothing. 
Make sure to check out the other flashers!Jon KeysShelly SchulzJC WallaceGrace Duncan  Rob ColtonLily Sawyer Michael MandrakeRaine O’TierneyVictoria AdamsChris T. KatTali SpencerElyzabeth VaLey Renee StevensMC Houle Julie Lynn Hayes
Cia Nordwell
Andrew Q. Gordon