Alternative State of the Union addresses

No offense to President Obama, but the one thing we can be sure of concerning tonight's State of the Union Address is that it will go on and on. I believe that given the chance, some of the great pulp writers could have been both pithier and more provocative:

President H. P. Lovecraft: The state of the Union is that "we live on a placid island of ignorance in the black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far."

President Robert E. Howard: The state of the Union "is unnatural. It is the whim of circumstance. And barbarianism must ultimately triumph."

President Edgar Rice Burroughs: The state of the Union is "more foolish and more cruel than the beasts of the jungle!"