56th Grammy Awards Part 2: The Big Event

56th Grammy Awards Part 1: The Pregame 56th Grammy Awards Part 3: After Party

56th Grammy Awards Part 2: The Big Event

In Part 1 of my 2014 Grammy recap, I talked pre Grammy festivities, from backstage tour to paparazzi scrum. Now it’s Game Day.

In keeping with the blistering pace of over-the-top hospitality extended to us by the Beverly Hilton, we were due at a swanky rooftop brunch in our black tie-optional finery by noon on Sunday. So we did what all the stars do prior to a big red carpet event: drank Robitussin and watched Real Sports on HBO.

‘Round about 11 am, the preparation finally began in earnest, with the ritualistic severing of the Troubadour wristband from the night before by the concierge since I hadn’t packed scissors. Then I started piling on the pounds of makeup that filled my suitcase, layer after layer, like the great Grand Canyon. Last time I wore this much makeup it was ’83 and I was inspired by all the girls in all the Cars videos.

This time I even tried false eyelashes, “tried” being the operative word because it was apparent, half a fake eyelash in, that I was not ready for that kind of advanced makeupping, all previous direction from my stage-makeup-wearing ballerina daughters notwithstanding. I gave up and got dressed, and let my husband be the tiebreaker in the riveting debate of “Which bracelet, pink or green?” (Answer: pink.)

Meanwhile my husband put on his new suit and the tie he picked to match my dress. He looked pretty fly, I must say. Here’s a pic taken as we entered the brunch.

Here’s the brunch. Various Hilton luminaries and important VIPs were there, along with three employees who’d won an all-expenses paid trip by submitting musical performances on video – one from India, one from England, one from Chicago. Their excitement, and the genuine pride taken by the Hilton exec introducing them at the brunch, was really touching. I am so Team Hilton.

Here we are with our Grammy Besties, Carrie and Steven. We’re all getting matching tattoos of the number “56” next week.

What seemed like a short time but was really many whole-grain croquettes and glasses of champagne later, they ushered us into the lobby and handed us each envelopes containing our tickets and the After Party tickets, before pointing us toward the limos. Here we are rolling four deep (Carrie took the picture) on a ride across Los Angeles that felt like maybe we went by way of San Diego.

And suddenly there we were at the foot of the Grammy red carpet, where the broadcast that you saw started. Now, for What You Saw and What You Didn’t See.

The Red Carpet

What You Saw: Stars making their slow and graceful way down the carpet, stopping for photos and interviews.

What You Didn’t See: The left edge of the main red carpet is an Auxiliary Lane, kind of a not-so-fast-track for not-so-famous people, with a low barrier and lots of Grammy employees separating the two. So if you’re on the Auxiliary Lane, the name of the game is to walk suuuuuupppper slooooooow and gawk to your right to see if any celebrities are walking parallel to you. That’s why I almost missed Kathie Griffin walking toward me on the Auxiliary carpet, like a salmon swimming upstream – we made eye contact and she gave me a big smile. Honestly, everybody just seems so happy to be there. Willie Nelson was behind us, in the wrong lane, bless his heart.

You also didn’t see how the red carpet ends and non-stars then tromp across some asphalt to get into the Staples Center. It was at this concrete/carpet junction that my husband spotted Paris Hilton about ten feet away, wearing this outfit – can’t figure out why it caught his eye. After she undulated away with a gait that is a cross between a cheetah and a drunk sailor, my husband said, “She looked straight at me. We had a moment.” Steven totally backed him up on that.

Staples Center

What You Didn’t See: Me getting more and more excited as the ushers looked at our tickets and exhorted us ever forward. Even Carrie and Steven dropped off, heading for a suite. Us? Section 101, 11 rows up, staring straight down at the musicians sitting in the front floor section. Here’s a pic taken by Jenni Chiu of Mommy Nani Booboo that shows where we are.

Also, the Eastern European models from Friday’s backstage tour? Out of a crowd of 20,000 people: we walked straight into them.They were still wearing their Laboutins. No, they did not acknowledge us.

Did you ever wonder about the kids in the pit during the shows, the ones who are right underneath the performer? They’re filing into place here, in this pic. Once they got into the pit, they stayed there – for FOUR HOURS, like cattle. The woman next to me and I lamented their footwear choices as they climbed in, and agreed that four hours without a bathroom break would like to kill us.

The Broadcast

What You Saw: An orderly crowd sitting attentively in their seats.

What You Didn’t See: Before the broadcast started and every time there was a commercial break, the stars on the floor jumped out of their seats and milled around like guests at a cocktail party, while we watched with laser focus. Look, there’s Ringo shaking Taylor’s hand! There’s Hunter Hayes chatting with Lorde’s band! There’s Daft Punk wearing the g-d helmets even during the breaks, SERIOUSLY?

Then a big booming Voice of God would say, “We’re live in 5, 4…” and everyone would scurry around like ferrets on speed skates to get back to their seats. This was also when the professional Seat Fillers were thrown into action, crab-walking down the aisles to fill in for whichever star was onstage or backstage. There was a huge army of black-clad, walkie-talkie carrying production assistants and they must each have lost five pounds Sunday night running around to make it all look so calm and orderly.

What You Saw: Katy Perry doing an ode to Bewitched

What You Didn’t See: Me watching the dancers get loaded up into the ghostly trees beforehand and thinking to myself, “please god let there be a Spinal Tap moment.” Nothing against Katy Perry but wouldn’t that have been awesome?

What You Saw: Pink doing trapeze artistry

What You Didn’t See: Me turning my hands palms up so as not to leave sweaty hand marks on the front of my satin dress. Y’all, she did NOT have a safety harness on, not even one thin wire. I could barely watch.

What You Saw: Explosions of flames during Katy Perry and Metallica/Lang Lang

What You Didn’t See: Me, sensing the heat on my face because we were that close, and immediately looking for fire exits and plotting to get us out ahead of 20k other audience members. Once a fireman’s daughter, always a fireman’s daughter.

What You Saw: Presenters nailing their lines

What You Didn’t See: The gigundo teleprompter that made it nigh on impossible to screw up (Ozzy being the exception that proved the rule.) Also interesting to see who read their lines word for word and who used them as a jumping off point to riff. I’m talking to you, Anna Kendrick.

What You Saw: Taylor Swift awkwardly dancing and hugging people, especially winning people.

What You Didn’t See: My husband’s growing annoyance with T-Swizzle and the way that she managed to be the first person to run over and hug every winner, just as the cameras arrived. He went from, “She’s up and dancing again,” to “Look at her! She’s running over to hug Lorde!” to “It’s not the Taylor Swift Award Show!” to finally, “It’s official. I have found a public figure I hate more than Jim Harbaugh.”

What You Saw: Willie and Kris and Merle skipping a word or two, with Blake Shelton pitching in to keep it in line. I heard there was some nastiness about Kris Kristofferson’s dementia and their general old age on Twitter.

What You Didn’t See: Beyonce and Jay-Z standing up through that ENTIRE performance, and Bey singing along to “Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys.” Because isn’t the entire goal to be able to keep doing what you love when you’re 80? The Carters set a nice example of what respect looks like, for everyone to follow.

What You Saw: Thirty-four weddings.

What You Didn’t See: That when the commercial break started, stars started hugging the newlyweds and clapping them on their backs and congratulating them. One bride facing me looked fully ready to spew before the vow was read, which is how I’m pretty sure this really meant something to the people involved. (Also cleared up why I’d passed a bride in the hallway on my way in, which I thought was a little puzzling.)

I think Macklemore is great, though the fact that a 40-something white woman does is probably all the proof you need that he shouldn’t have won Best Rap Artist. Still, this singer has hauled gay marriage out into the spotlight lately, and on Sunday night he, Madge, and the Queen made put it right there in front of millions of households. Just people who love each other. Not bothering you. No big. Let’s move on.

What You Saw: Part of a finale performance by Nine Inch Nails, Lindsay Buckingham, Dave Grohl (or was that Animal from the Muppets?) and Queens of the Stone Age, before CBS cut to credits.

What You Didn’t See: The whole performance. Shoot, you guys, because that rocked really hard. Just about cancelled out the Hunter Hayes performance.

Ok, I could go on, and I will about the after party, in one last post: The Grammy Afterparty or, Why I’ll Always Have Gum from Now On