Hurt: The Oppression of Maturity

I am a lyricist. I concern myself with the language of songs. I utilize subtext, concrete details, and introspection to create portraits of people and tell stories. I write the lyrics then seek composers, producers, and musicians to create the musical language, the emotional environment the lyrical story resides in.

Before deciding to commercially release Hurt, I pitched it to TAXI.com in hopes that they would in turn pitch it to A&R executives, who would then in turn pitch it to artists. The original plan was not to be a record label doing indie releases but to be a music publisher, making songs for other artists.

There are two defining moments that led to this change in course:

1) I kept hearing that demos needed to be fully produced. However, what was the point of making a commercial record just to have it re-recorded and left in a file. Once I heard the lush instrumentation and pro-vocal, I'm supposed to just sit on it for the rest of my life?

2) The feedback when I pitched Hurt via TAXI

The TAXI screener heard "Hurt" and did not like my "subtext." He or she felt the song said that it was immature to be emotional. Furthermore, the person suggested that I shouldn't write songs for female singers alone, that I should take on a female cowriter to review my work.

I am not taking on a female cowriter just to have someone watch my politics. I would work with any talented songwriter and never choose someone because of their gender. That is an insult to me and female songwriters. She could be fulfilling her talent in so many other ways, not just revising my lyrics. Secondly, if this screener's idea of subtext is reading the first line of the chorus (I don't have to be mature) in a very literal manner, then we have an issue for what passes as subtext.

I could have been more literal. I could have said: I don't have to be demure. But I chose the word "mature" specifically because of how loaded with subtext it is. (full lyrics)

People today have the tendency to use the word to mean two things at the same time:

1) to act childishly in a temper tantrum sort of way

2) to be calm 2a) to not take things personally 2b) to never get upset

For example: A woman walks in and sees her boyfriend humping her best friend in her very own bed. She yells, screams, cries. Man says: "You see, this is why I didn't tell you. I knew you couldn't handle it. Can we be mature and discuss this like adults?" Woman replies: "Mature? I don't have to be mature. I loved a love that was unreturned. My heart's been burned and I've learned it's okay to be hurt."

What does the boyfriend really mean when he says "mature?" Does he really think that he should have been able to sit his girlfriend down and have a rational discussions as to why he should be able to screw her best friend in their bed when she's not home. "Okay," he says. "Just listen. You're gone, working a lot. We're not doing it as much. So maybe Sheila can fill in for you in the bedroom until you feel like doing it again."

Most men are not this stupid. This is why they hid the affair in the first place. They knew you would be rightfully upset, that they were doing wrong, and that they would need to hide their activities. It's an attempt to have their cake and eat it too. He's trying to devalue his girlfriend's reaction by caller her immature so he can force her to calm down, fill her head with some bullshit reasoning, and maybe keep her from breaking up with him.

In other words, he's indirectly calling her immature in hopes of manipulating her into calming down. He's trying to gain the higher ground in the fight and resorting to playing her emotions because he has no reasonable defense. He's saying: "You being upset is a childish response. Listen to me, I'm an adult. You can tell I am because of how rational I sound. And adults discuss things calmly, right? So if you are calm then we can conform to this idea that adults are calm, and then I can proceed to talk you out of inevitably dumping me."

This kind of logic is also used to justify racism, homophobia, and misogyny. Whenever a minority gets upset about a black teen being gun downed on the side walk or a woman being treated like a second class citizen, there is always someone there rolling their eyes, acting above it, denouncing those who care as being "emotional" or being "too sensitive." How many laments do you hear over the proliferation of thinkpieces. It's just oppression on top of oppression. They're trying to convince you that your feelings are wrong, because they don't want to face the issues. But who's wrong? The person who cries over a generation of talent going unrecognized because of their race, gender or sexuality or the person who just doesn't care enough to do anything about it? Maybe both are wrong. A happy medium is necessary. However, I would say the latter is more wrong. The person who tries to marginalize the concern is more responsible for perpetuating oppression than the person who gets angry about it.

The word "maturity" is a loaded gun. Most of the time when an adult uses it against another adult, they are being patronizing with the intent of micromanaging a person's response for their own gain. It's something narcissists also do to devalue others' feelings so they can focus on their own concerns.

People cry over their favorite team losing a football game; yet if you get upset at discrimination just see the hate and derogatory statements that come your way. See how quickly bloggers dismiss the ignorance of their favorite celebrities so they can talk about the music. Pitchfork ignored R. Kelly's alleged sexual abuse of young girls. We all have for decades now. It's an issue.

The same psychological forces we use to contain people on the level of every day life are mirrored in the larger culture.

***

Now, if someone's reply is "I don't have to be mature," are they really admitting that they are being immature and childlike? No. Often times, we cast off someone's judgment of us by actually owning it.

Man: "Wow, you are such a bitch."
Woman: "Maybe I am. But we are still going to discuss this matter. You are not off the hook."

In the context of "Hurt," the idea of maturity and the line I don't have to be mature are not to be taken literally. The story of the song is that an abusive ex-boyfriend has reached out to his victim, his ex-girlfriend, to tell her the exciting news: he's in a wonderful new relationship, and he's truly in love. Our young girl, the protagonist, has always been quite meek. She bit her tongue and never expressed how hurt she was, but something about this man standing before her, talking to her like nothing has happened, causes an eruption of feelings.

This story is told in lines like I was the timid mouse and my cries as you burned down the house which both get at her meek nature and abuse, respectively. Also, her feelings that she SHOULD be able to accept this exes new romance, talking to her abuser like he's just an old friend, reveals how conflicted she is about the oppressiveness of maturity. As a victim of abuse, she has been brainwashed into thinking that being quiet and agreeable is the same thing as maturity. Where do you think that belief came from? Her boyfriend is yelling and carrying on, but his maturity is never questioned? She just thinks that she should be able to be calm.

So the protagonist struggles with the same idea of maturity that we as a society do. But that doesn't mean that the song as a whole work of art, I as a writer, endorse this opinion.

Vaults of feelings unlocked / the castle's falling from the air

Our young girl is opening up her heart to her feelings and hence stepping into reality. She is finally seeing her life situation for what it is: destructive and hurtful. What's immature about that? Between the casting aside of disillusionment and the very mature employment of poetic language, sweeping melodies, and lush, elegant, orchestral composition, the overall sound of the song is quite adult.

To step into adulthood is to cast aside youthful delusions and to see the world for what it is. You see love where there is love, and hate where there is hate. You know when you are happy; you do not deny when you are sad. Ultimately, in Hurt, I am asking for a differentiation between two kinds of maturity:

1) Socialized behavioral maturity (the idea directly employed in the song) where people expect everyone who disagrees with them to act like emotionless drones and to discuss things in super matter of fact terms. If the protagonist of the song got excited over his new relationship, I doubt the ex boyfriend would complain about her being emotional. If she screamed with glee, he would have been very happy.

and 2) emotional maturity where we know how we feel and verbally express it in a way that's honest without violence (the true subtext)

In other words, the most mature thing our young girl could is to refuse to not be mature. She is not actually saying she is immature; she is casting aside her exe's manipulations. Just because he expects her to be happy for him, doesn't mean she has to be (and it doesn't make her wrong). By owning her feelings regardless of how society may view her, regardless of how much her ex-boyfriend may try to play mind games to gain power over her reactions, she chooses to own the fact that she is hurt. And only by owning the pain does she have the chance to move through it into something happier.

The subtext of art is in reading what is said to determine what is not said. In Hurt the subtext is actually paradoxical to the actual text in a general sense: It is sometime mature to not be mature. But if you move in closer, into something more specific, differentiating between kinds of maturity, and you see that emotional maturity is valued the maturity of demureness. Being calm has it's place, but sometimes, for you self-respect, you do need to cause a commotion. So go on, be immature.