50 Ways to Follow Your Husband
When you look at Ephesians 5, the word “submit” that is used in verse 22 is the same meaning as the word that’s used in verse 21 – hupotasso – “to put or place under in rank; to obey.” Philippians 2:3 tells us to “Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” If you remember, after that famous incident in the garden, God tells Eve in Genesis that He will “intensify your labor pains; you will bear children in anguish. Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you.”
The words obey and rule over don’t sit very well, do they? I’m kind of wishing Eve hadn’t been so insistent on that whole apple eating business.
Here’s how the Message translation puts it though: “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.”
So this whole idea of submission isn’t for our husbands benefit; it’s for God’s blessing. And our purpose for submitting, or putting our husbands first, isn’t because we have some weird Stepford Wives thing going on – it’s because we’re pursuing what it means to follow God where He calls us – in life, in marriage, in whatever season He has us in and we understand that marriage between a husband and wife is supposed to be the closest practical example we have of the relationship between Christ and His church.
But still. It’s all well and good to say we understand what Scripture says. It’s a little different to understand what biblical submission, or biblical marriage as I’ve heard the term, looks like in today’s time of two-working-spouse-households and juggling kids, church, careers and homes.
So here are 50 ways, in no specific order, you can “show support and understanding” towards your husband – which ones do you already do? Which ones are hard? What’s something you would add?
1. Ask him “What do you think?” and show interest in what he says.
2. When he comes home late from work, have something waiting for him to eat, instead of expecting him to make something for himself.
3. Tell him you appreciate what he does for you.
4. Tell him you appreciate what he does to help with the kids.
5. Criticize less what he does wrong and voice your thanks on what he does right.
6. Be his cheerleader, not his teacher.
7. Remember that he’s not one of your kids. You train your kids. You help your husband. There’s a difference.
8. Don’t complain when he asks for your help with something.
9. After discussing a big decision, be willing to let him have the final say. Even if you’re not sure it’s the right one.
10. If you know he has a favorite meal that he likes for you to fix, make a point to make it regularly, just as a way to say “I love you.”
11. Pray for him.
12. Edit your words. When you really, really want to tell him exactly what you think – don’t. Say what you should. Know the difference.
13. When you say yes and your husband says no to something the kids want to do – go with what your husband says. Teach your kids the importance of listening to their father.
14. When you get frustrated at your husband’s lack of leadership – stop and remember his pace may not be yours. His style may not be your style. So stop trying to make him like you.
15. Ask him how you can pray for him. And pray. Don’t try to fix.
16. If he tells you he’ll do something, don’t keep reminding him until he does it.
17. Don’t talk badly about him to other people, even joking. Because every joke has a little truth to it.
18. If he wants you and you’re not puking your guts up or laying in a hospital bed, let him have you. Marital closeness is achieved through sex. That’s why it’s called intimacy. So be intimate with your man. And refuse to see it as another chore to check off but a time to be close despite the hectic chaos of the day.
19. Don’t replace your husband’s place in your life with your child. A wife and a mama are two different roles and you don’t stop being a wife when you become a mom. Eventually the kids do move away.
20. Laugh at his jokes, even when they don’t make any sense.
21. Smile at him more. Let him know you like seeing his face.
22. If he has trouble getting out the door in the morning, help by making him breakfast or making his lunch.
23. Ask him from time to time how you can help him.
24. If it drives you crazy when he leaves his socks or underwear in the floor and he still forgets to pick them up because he never really sees them, even though you’ve said something 50 or more times – then just take the 30 seconds to pick them up. There are some battles that are not worth the fight. Seriously.
25. Look for ways you can be a positive influence on your husband – and not a drill instructor.
26. Don’t make a huge purchase without talking to him first. Even if it’s “your” money (which in the life of a married couple, I don’t believe there should be his/her money. But that’s a post for another time). Make decisions together and be interested in his input.
27. Be willing to admit when you’re wrong and say you’re sorry.
28. If he’s resistant to making decisions, then help by breaking down a decision with questions. Instead of, “what car should we buy?” give him two different models to choose from (example:Hyundai or Toyota). And if he really doesn’t care where you eat, than just choose.
29. Slip a note in his car or his lunch before he leaves and tell him how much you appreciate and love him.
30. Tell him you’re glad to see him after you reconnect at the end of the day and show him you mean it.
31. Encourage him to get involved in church by pointing out his skills or traits that would be a big help in a specific ministry area.
32. Use words that will encourage him, not tear him down. Never make fun of your husband at his personal expense, in front of others or just to him.
33. Talk about what you like about him to your children and to others. Don’t hold back on what he does right or his qualities you love the most.
34. When you ask him to do something, whether it’s with the kids or the house, and he does it – resist the urge to criticize if he doesn’t do it exactly the way you would. He is not you.
35. If you find yourself constantly stressed with too busy a schedule, and he suggests that you say no to some things – listen. Sometimes those closest to us see situations better than we do.
36. If you ask his opinion on something, don’t listen and then discount it. Let him see his thoughts matter much to you.
37. Don’t complain if your husband’s work has a get-together and he wants you and the family to go. See it as a great opportunity to help him shine.
38. It’s hard to follow someone who doesn’t want to lead. Realize that learning to lead is sometimes as much a process as learning to follow. Give grace.
39. Apologize when you lose your temper or you’re short with him. Don’t take for granted that he’ll get over it.
40. If he likes cooking too, don’t complain that he’s doing your job or think he’s doing it because he doesn’t like how you cook. Just be grateful for the night off once in a while!
41. Sit down next to him when he’s watching a game or his favorite tv show, even when you don’t care about whatever is on the screen. Just be there.
42. When he talks to you, listen. Try not to think about the 101 other things you need to be doing.
43. If he really, really doesn’t like that shirt you’re wearing – then stop wearing it. Not because he’s right – but because you love him. (Ask me about my fanny pack sometime!)
44. Thank him when he does things around the house. Yes, he knows he has responsibilities – but knowing he’s appreciated for those things is important.
45. Compliment him and not just about what he does – but who he is. Does he have a way of always making you laugh, even when you’re worried or stressed? Tell him.
46. When he has a day off, ask him what he’d like to do before you provide him with a list of what you’d like him to do.
47. Ask him before you throw things out that are his – whether clothing, papers or old knick knacks.
48. Always let him know you’re in his corner. Support him when he’s struggling with an issue at work or with a friendship or relationship, even if you’re not 100% convinced he’s right. Be the one he knows he can always count on.
49. Words are powerful. Use your words wisely when you talk to your husband.
50. When he says or does something that hurts your feelings, give him the benefit of the doubt before you jump to a conclusion you may regret.
On Wednesday, I’ll share 50 Ways You Can Lead Your Wife.
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