Way Before the Time of Stalkers...

It was 1989, and I had just acquired a completely useless B.A. in Psychology, as well as the resulting crippling debt. To celebrate, I decided to take my big hair, my pet rat Vivien, and my mom's Buick Century for a month-long wander through the Northeast.

I was as free as a bird except for two commitments. The first was to show up in Pennsylvania and carry a Bo-Peep basket of flowers while wearing a fuchsia bridesmaid's dress. The second was to get back to Alabama in time to prepare for...