On Changing My Mind

 

This just in: Cats! They’re cute!

“I feel like the world is going to explode. I can’t believe this happened to me.”

“I know,” he said. “I know.”

“You don’t understand. It’s like black is white and inside is outside. Cats are dogs! Turtles are fish! Republicans are Democrats are Libertarians are that really confusing guy who ran for VP!”

“Joe Lieberman?”

“Yes. The world is Joe Lieberman! Nothing makes sense! I mean, nothing.”

“…”

“THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.”

“…”

We were talking, in bed, of course, about Jonathan Franzen. Like you do. (We’ve been married for thirteen years. It’s not Fifty Shades of Grey over here*. I mean, except when I’m writing scenes with Hispanic people and I try very hard to make them sound like Speedy Gonzales. (Don’t worry, I know that Hispanic people don’t sound like Speedy.) (Indian people, however, sound exactly like Apu.) (Fun fact: did you know Gregg and I met because he came into my convenience store? He was the Squishy Lady!))

I read Freedom over my Christmas holidays and while I can’t say I’m an enthusiastic fan, I would reluctantly recommend the book to you. Kind of. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Life has basically no purpose.

On the upside, it turns out I was also wrong about cats. Hey Internet, hot tip: they’re cute. Next I’m going to start talking about how my diet is changing my life.

HA.

(So maybe I still have a little bit of a purpose in life after all.)