Wednesday Briefs - Trouble Comes in Threes #1.2

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Welcome to the Wednesday Briefers flash group. The short stories have a maximum of a 1000 word count plus links at the bottom to the other flashers. The prompts for this week are:

“Are you kidding me?” or "Here, kitty, kitty," or "He stretched in a low feline fashion" or "He was gone for a month before it really sank in..." or "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" or use: a ruler, a bag and an urn or feature some sort of dance in your story or "What did you call me?" or "kill'em with kindness" or "Hit me with your best shot"or "I wished the earth would open up and swallow me whole."


Trouble Comes in Threes 1.2Yeah, the cat was cute, but it had to go. I needed a pet like I needed a hole in the head. I was barely taking care of myself, so how the hell was I supposed to take care of a cat? I’d probably fuck that up too.“Okay, cat, let’s go.” I pointed at the open door, finger not quivering, voice strong and steady. Cool, check me out. I sounded commanding. Authoritative. I even impressed myself. The cat looked at me and flicked his tail. Then the damn thing shot out his back leg and started licking it. “Seriously?” The cat didn’t seemed half as impressed as I was with myself. Figures. I couldn’t even intimidate a fucking cat. Color me wuss. I shivered in the cold draft from the open door… Oh yeah, the damn door was still open. Heat was gushing out in heaty-type waves while I tried talking a cat out the damn door. And he wasn’t having any of it, seemed like. I certainly didn’t have this problem with the humans in my life. Like Carson, they couldn’t wait to get out the door. And speaking of the door…“Here, kitty, kitty.” Again I called to the cat, and again the cat ignored me. Okay, it appeared we were at a standoff. I nodded my head at the open door. The cat started licking its balls. Alrighty then. Guess that answered that. Ball licking won over stupid head nod any day of the week. I shut the door.The cat stopped its grooming—okay, so maybe I was a little jealous—and stared at me. “Meee-ow!”If I didn’t know better, I’d think I just got told off by a feline. “Yeah, yeah, I heard you. I guess you can stay inside. It is cold out there.”Yup… wuss. What the hell was I doing? I said I wasn’t going to do this and here sat the damn thing like the Queen of Sheba. I scratched my head. Wasn’t that the name of some cat food? Or something like that? That reminded me, what was I going to feed this thing? Hope it liked human food because that’s all I had, and not much of that. It was healthy-looking, that’s for sure. Someone had been feeding it. Who did it belong to? Jesus, I hoped I didn’t manage to kill it before I found the owner. Shit, what if it was abandoned? Just dumped? Well hell, I could relate. Carson dumped me. And I really needed to stop trying to come up with a life story for a damn stray cat. The cat jumped off the table and walked over to me. Wow, it was big. And black. And wow, those were some freaky blue eyes for a cat. It rubbed against my leg, head-butted me—okay, I felt that—then made its way to the den and the fireplace. “Meow!” The cat made a couple of circles, tail held high—hello, that was a rather large set of balls—stretched, then dropped down on a small rug in front of the hearth.“Guess I’m not the only one who likes the fire, huh?” I sat and reached my hand out, letting it sniff me. I heard that was the thing to do if you didn’t want to get torn up. The only scratches I was interested in were those made by a lover.After I passed that test, I tentatively ran my hand down its back. “Your fur’s soft. I wonder who you belong to, boy.”I petted him, enjoying the heat from the fire and the unique scent of burning wood. Purring reached me. Man, he sounded like a damn truck engine I used to have. Really loud and growly. I liked it. We sat there, me petting and him purring, until I got tired.“Okay, cat, I have to put the groceries up since I left them on the damn counter. And ah shit, better see if I got anything you can use for a litter box.” I scratched my head again. Rolling my eyes at myself, I stomped to the kitchen. “Jesus fuck, am I really talking about a litter box?” The cat followed me. He jumped on the counter and pawed at one of the plastic bags. I slipped my finger under the bag and made it rattle… and neatly lost a finger when the cat swiped at it. “Whoa!” News flash—it wasn’t declawed.“Rawl.” The cat went after the bag again, batting at the plastic, jumping and pouncing… and having entirely too much fun mauling it. Bloodthirsty thing.It was kind of funny, though. The plastic made an odd sound and the cat jumped back, fuzzed up, and hissed. Damn. I caught myself snorting out a laugh and the cat stared at me strangely. Could cats give strange looks? I’d swear this one just did.More importantly, when was the last time I truly laughed? “Okay, Tiger, you killed the big, bad plastic bag, now how about backing off. I need to unpack the food without losing a limb.”A yowl greeted that statement, but the cat backed off and sat down.“I guess I shouldn’t let you on the counters, huh? Never had a cat before.” I put up the stuff I bought. I found an old bowl, filled it with water, and set it on the floor. Then I opened a can of tuna. “Meow, meeeow, meeooow.”I laughed at the big, black ball of purring kitty that was trying to knock me down. I grabbed a small plate and dumped the contents on it. “Well, I think we have a winner. Smells good, huh?”The purring was impressive.I managed to get the bowl to the floor and he attacked it with a vengeance. Wow, someone was hungry. While he ate, I fixed myself a ham and cheese sandwich. Looked like the cat and I were going to ring in the New Year together.
The pic wasn't part of the prompts, I added it.  :)~M
TBC. Make sure to visit the other briefers:
Jon KeysTali SpencerA.R. VonGrace Duncan  Raine O’TierneyMA ChurchChris T. KatLily Sawyer Nephylim  Shelly SchulzJC WallaceVictoria AdamsMichael MandrakeCia NordwellLily VeldenElyzabeth VaLey Andrew Q. GordonJulie Lynn Hayes