When Jerkfaces Ruin the Woo
I watch Finding Bigfoot voluntarily, so feel free to dismiss anything you read here.
But.
One of the reasons I watch Finding Bigfoot is that, at it’s core, it’s a positive show. Yes, Matt Moneymaker pulls new “documented” sasquatch behaviors out of his butt at a moment’s notice, and yes Bobo appears to be baked in half the episodes, and yes, their techniques occasionally appear designed to warn any potential sasquatches that it’s time to get the hell out of Dodge because the circus is in town, but still. They’re out there looking and exploring and genuinely hoping to add something to the human experience, and they generally do it cheerfully and politely and with occasional vague nods to things like “science”.
That, in a nutshell, is why I find it bearable week to week, even when they’re looking at footage of what is clearly someone who is engaging in Wookie cosplay and declaring it genuine. They’re not vicious and they’re not mean (except Matt on occasion*, but with hair like that, who can blame him) and, gosh darn it, they’re even plucky.
And then you get to crap like Ancient Aliens and America Unearthed, and everything changes. Because they’re not there to find anything new. Oh, no. Those guys have already found everything they’re looking for, whether it’s the incontrovertible fact that the Pyramids at Giza were actual a Tron-like power station that was also a death ray or that Vikings definitely colonized Oklahoma. Anyone who disagrees with them is not only wrong, they’re also actively evil - part of a conspiracy to cover up The Truth And Keep It From You. (The idea of a conspiracy of archaeologists, who generally can’t agree on where to have lunch, sitting in a star chamber and deciding what knowledge to allow is one of the more hysterical ones conjured by the show). The folks on those shows are Noble Crusaders For Truth, and anyone who disagrees with them - even if it’s just a guy espousing a different goofball conspiracy theory - is tainted with evil.
And then there’s what is at best anti-human racism, and at worst something really unpleasant bubbling underneath. The core premise of both Ancient Aliens and America Unearthed is that “the people who lived in place X back in the day couldn’t possibly have been advanced enough to create Y”. In Ancient Aliens' case, they credit the assist to what appear to be extras from Babylon 5; with America Unearthed it’s generally Europeans or Egyptians. In either case, the one hypothesis that gets dismissed immediately is that the folks who lived there at the time made the stuff using, I don’t know, hard work and gumption and smartness and stuff like that. It is, in a word, disturbing, especially since there’s plenty of evidence that in every case the locals were perfectly capable of - and should get credit for - doing the deed.
I understand the appeal of the woo. It’s great fun to imagine undiscovered mysteries and brave explorers and stories still untold. And, in a perfect world where a guy who looks like Londo Molari’s unsuccessful kid brother would not have a television series that ran for multiple seasons, potentially anomalous artifacts and structures would get explored in the spirit of wonder and the pursuit of knowledge that characterizes the best of scientific pursuits. I’d love to have a show where there’s a serious look at the possible history of Vinland, and actual analysis of weird rocks and structures. I’d love to see a show that genuinely explored Cahokia. Hell, I’d love a show that took a serious look at Mystery Hill and then presented its conclusions based on the facts, as opposed to stomping in convinced that it was a mixed Celtic-Phoenecian clambake in the hills of New Hampshire because of misunderstood archaeoastronomy with a side of sweet potato fries.
Instead, we get petty-minded bullying and weasel language and a mix of entitled persecution complexes and oblivious wishcasting. And while I’m sure those on the inside are cheering on their jut-jawed paranoid heroes for sticking it to The Man at 2 AM on basic cable (The Man, incidentally, has apparently infiltrated the Smithsonian, where He has masterminded a plan to mysteriously lose all the rocks proving that Oklahoma was colonized by alien vikings) and enjoying being along for the ride, I’m just saddened.
And a little disgusted.
And not watching any more.
*Moneymaker’s legendary “THERE’S NOWHERE FOR THE OWL TO SIT!” rants have been toned back and the discussions of the “evidence” have moved largely to conditionals. Not perfect, but it’s a start.
But.
One of the reasons I watch Finding Bigfoot is that, at it’s core, it’s a positive show. Yes, Matt Moneymaker pulls new “documented” sasquatch behaviors out of his butt at a moment’s notice, and yes Bobo appears to be baked in half the episodes, and yes, their techniques occasionally appear designed to warn any potential sasquatches that it’s time to get the hell out of Dodge because the circus is in town, but still. They’re out there looking and exploring and genuinely hoping to add something to the human experience, and they generally do it cheerfully and politely and with occasional vague nods to things like “science”.
That, in a nutshell, is why I find it bearable week to week, even when they’re looking at footage of what is clearly someone who is engaging in Wookie cosplay and declaring it genuine. They’re not vicious and they’re not mean (except Matt on occasion*, but with hair like that, who can blame him) and, gosh darn it, they’re even plucky.
And then you get to crap like Ancient Aliens and America Unearthed, and everything changes. Because they’re not there to find anything new. Oh, no. Those guys have already found everything they’re looking for, whether it’s the incontrovertible fact that the Pyramids at Giza were actual a Tron-like power station that was also a death ray or that Vikings definitely colonized Oklahoma. Anyone who disagrees with them is not only wrong, they’re also actively evil - part of a conspiracy to cover up The Truth And Keep It From You. (The idea of a conspiracy of archaeologists, who generally can’t agree on where to have lunch, sitting in a star chamber and deciding what knowledge to allow is one of the more hysterical ones conjured by the show). The folks on those shows are Noble Crusaders For Truth, and anyone who disagrees with them - even if it’s just a guy espousing a different goofball conspiracy theory - is tainted with evil.
And then there’s what is at best anti-human racism, and at worst something really unpleasant bubbling underneath. The core premise of both Ancient Aliens and America Unearthed is that “the people who lived in place X back in the day couldn’t possibly have been advanced enough to create Y”. In Ancient Aliens' case, they credit the assist to what appear to be extras from Babylon 5; with America Unearthed it’s generally Europeans or Egyptians. In either case, the one hypothesis that gets dismissed immediately is that the folks who lived there at the time made the stuff using, I don’t know, hard work and gumption and smartness and stuff like that. It is, in a word, disturbing, especially since there’s plenty of evidence that in every case the locals were perfectly capable of - and should get credit for - doing the deed.
I understand the appeal of the woo. It’s great fun to imagine undiscovered mysteries and brave explorers and stories still untold. And, in a perfect world where a guy who looks like Londo Molari’s unsuccessful kid brother would not have a television series that ran for multiple seasons, potentially anomalous artifacts and structures would get explored in the spirit of wonder and the pursuit of knowledge that characterizes the best of scientific pursuits. I’d love to have a show where there’s a serious look at the possible history of Vinland, and actual analysis of weird rocks and structures. I’d love to see a show that genuinely explored Cahokia. Hell, I’d love a show that took a serious look at Mystery Hill and then presented its conclusions based on the facts, as opposed to stomping in convinced that it was a mixed Celtic-Phoenecian clambake in the hills of New Hampshire because of misunderstood archaeoastronomy with a side of sweet potato fries.
Instead, we get petty-minded bullying and weasel language and a mix of entitled persecution complexes and oblivious wishcasting. And while I’m sure those on the inside are cheering on their jut-jawed paranoid heroes for sticking it to The Man at 2 AM on basic cable (The Man, incidentally, has apparently infiltrated the Smithsonian, where He has masterminded a plan to mysteriously lose all the rocks proving that Oklahoma was colonized by alien vikings) and enjoying being along for the ride, I’m just saddened.
And a little disgusted.
And not watching any more.
*Moneymaker’s legendary “THERE’S NOWHERE FOR THE OWL TO SIT!” rants have been toned back and the discussions of the “evidence” have moved largely to conditionals. Not perfect, but it’s a start.
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