Fly.

I feel good. . No. I feel blessed. I ended 2013 with a warm heart and faced 2014 with yet another. I can say with all confidence that 2013 was a life-changing year for me. In a butterfly’s life stage, I can say that I’m only a couple of tiny steps away from spreading my wings.      The doubts I had about my chosen course two years ago is still clear in my mind. It was not long ago when I told myself “No, Ruth. This is not for you. You can’t do this” and half-decided to switch course. Psychology is a demanding course. And looking back, even I am shocked with how much tenure, perseverance and patience I have shown in the last three years. But this year was like a big “YES!” to my decision of taking up Psychology. My thirst to learn turned into a passion. I cannot remember the day when I started learning from the heart and not from the mind. It’s part of growing up, they say. And yes, I can confidently say that I grew up. I can say it is so because I place more importance in the welfare of others rather than the possible unpleasantness I may feel in doing a deed. I no longer think of the hardships but the lessons I’ll get from them. Most of all, I am willing to take risks with a courageous heart and an open mind.      Our training in Critical Incident Stress Debriefing (CISD) and our exposure to the actual field setting escalated my maturity as an understanding, empathic and open-minded individual. Really, hearing the stories of other people and learning from their experiences and insights can change your life. I handled kids at all three trips. Their age ranges from 3 to 6 years old. And anybody would think a child’s understanding of the situation is petty and almost irrelevant. According to my own observation, the younger the kid, the lesser the impact of the event. Kids are more resilient because they do not (yet) have a full grasp of the magnitude of the event. Nevertheless, their experiences are as relevant as those of their parents. Hearing the kids tell that they saw their family members die clenched my heart. Hearing their stories about seeing their house fall to pieces, trees falling, and roofs flying like kites sent consecutive shivers to my spine. How, I asked, were these kids able to get through such traumatic incidents? They were still able to smile, play and joke around. Their simple wishes of peace, toys, clothes and candies humbled me. Indeed, seeing the world in a child’s eyes is very enlightening.      The pleasure of the thought of helping is light years away from the actual knowledge that you’ve actually helped. When people start saying “Thank you” so sincerely, you start thinking of becoming a better person, I tell you that. It is irreplaceable. Knowing that you’ve touched people’s lives and somehow helped in lessening their burdens can never be equated with gifts. In our series of CISD travels, that’s what I learned: no material thing can replace social support. You cannot buy it, you cannot price it nor bribe for it. True social support and altruism can only be attained with a willing heart.
     This is just yet another step in my life. Yes, I am a butterfly nearing to spreading my wings. I am readied by my experiences and the difficulties and challenges I faced and conquered in my previous stages. And yet, like a butterfly ready to spread my wings, I have a new challenge to face: to fly.