FIRST CHAPTER TO 'WITCH PISS: A NOVEL' LAZY FASCIST PRESS 2014

'damn, can't believe i'm a werewolf now,' he thought, walking down the street looking at his hairy paw. 

but he'd known all along he was a werewolf, in some way. much like how an omelet knows it's an omelet, in some way.

he smiled his fangy smile and slicked back his luxurious werewolf hair with his claws.

'fuck it jo,' he thought.  

just then, a clown jumped out of an alley and stood before him, menacing. 

the clown did that side to side neck cracking motion then cracked his knuckles and said, 'well well, werewolf man. seems like it's time to settle some old business eh?'

'who the fuck are you?' said the werewolf.

'you mean you don't remember?' said the clown, rolling up his clown sleeves.  'perhaps you remember me by my old name, dr. scribblius q. choppletoots. i pinched your butt at a 311 concert many years ago.' 

the werewolf touched his butt and whispered, 'you motherfucker.'

the werewolf went to run at the clown, but the clown pulled out a small laser gun and said, 'not, so, fast. impetuous aren't we?'

'it ends here,' said the werewolf.

'my my my,' said the clown. 'look who suddenly became a werewolf and grew some balls.'

then he began pacing, keeping the laser in his hand.

'werewolf,' said the clown. 'let me be clear, there is nothing i'd love more than to laser you in the nipples and finish off what i started long ago.  but to be frank, i simply must return to my laboratory to finish work on my Klaktonius Decimator.  so i think,' --he laughed-- 'why, i think i'll let my friend deal with you instead.'

and with that he snapped his fingers.

out from the alley there came a giant anthropomorphic muscular lobster with a mohawk and nose ring.

'meet my friend, Nogzor,' said the clown.

Nogzor snorted like a bull and stepped forward menacingly.

the clown said, 'i'm sure you two will be good friends.'

and with that he pocketed his laser and got on his rocket-powered segway and took off, laughing like 'snee hee hee hee.'

the werewolf smiled and did that neck cracking motion and said, 'it's just too bad i ain't got no butter with me.'

then they both rushed towards each other and performed simulataneous jumpkicks.