Happy New Year
Making resolutions is something my mother and I have done for as long as I can remember. Like many of you, my goals in the past have been focused on weight loss and exercise, always with a level of disgust and self-hatred at my perceived weakness for those 5-10 pounds I’ve struggled to keep off since I was a teenager.
Two Novembers ago I reached my diet and fitness goals. I’ve maintained them since. It’s hard work. I won’t lie. I’m obsessive about my workouts. I count calories. I practice moderation. And guess what? I’m as critical of my appearance as I’ve ever been. When I catch sight of myself in the gym mirror, I see the loose flesh of my arms, the extra skin around my waist.
This tells me something important. It is my vulnerable insides that need attention.
Therefore, this year I’m resolving to accept myself as I am. I vow to practice self-love rather than self-hatred. Because let’s face it, I’m getting older. Places are softer, no matter my commitment to exercise and diet. The lines in my face grow deeper by the day. I’m fighting a battle one cannot win if one is lucky enough to live one more day. I’ve had to say goodbye to friends who did not have this privilege. Would I rather grow older and be here to love my girls, to read more good books, to discover new music, to fall in love again, to reach my writing goals? Oh, yes.
Writers call that ugly voice in their heads their ‘inner critic’. The same applies here. Be damned, Inner Critic. You’re keeping me from living, from breathing in every precious moment of this sweet life. I’m free of you.
I encourage you all to do the same. Forgive yourself the extra pounds. Caress the lines around your eyes or the edges of your mouth and be thankful for what they’ve taught you. Think of the softness of your body mimicking the ever softer heart that simply living and loving gives you. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Love yourself. Let go of perfection. Breathe in every precious moment.
Happy New Year. May God bless you with good health and love throughout 2014.
