Guilty of Words
I tell people I'm a writer now.
In the past I never did; it was embarrassing. It was like this weird shameful tumor in my belly, and I thought if anyone found out they'd rig me up to a tree or something.
When people ask what I do, I fight the urge to lie and tell them I still work at my old office. I try not to change the subject or point out a mutual friend walking somewhere very far in the distance. I attempt to look the questioner in the eyes and say, "I write for a living now." Then nausea happens.
Why all this unpleasantness? I guess I never thought of writing as a legitimate profession I could perform. In the back of my mind there was always this narrative that people had to work a regular 9 to 5, no exceptions, end of uninteresting story. (Although my old job wasn't even really 9 to 5.)
I'm not an exceptionally innovative human, and it took a long time for me to acknowledge, and even longer to accept, that I was a writer of some kind.
When I read Dr. Zhivago I was like, "Yes, of course, I get it," because he wanted to write poetry but entered the medical profession to earn a respectable living. I'm not as talented as Yuri, so I refrained from medical school and went straight for the words. We'll see how that works out.
In the meantime, my name is Joe and I've been writing for 18 years.
In the past I never did; it was embarrassing. It was like this weird shameful tumor in my belly, and I thought if anyone found out they'd rig me up to a tree or something.
When people ask what I do, I fight the urge to lie and tell them I still work at my old office. I try not to change the subject or point out a mutual friend walking somewhere very far in the distance. I attempt to look the questioner in the eyes and say, "I write for a living now." Then nausea happens.
Why all this unpleasantness? I guess I never thought of writing as a legitimate profession I could perform. In the back of my mind there was always this narrative that people had to work a regular 9 to 5, no exceptions, end of uninteresting story. (Although my old job wasn't even really 9 to 5.)
I'm not an exceptionally innovative human, and it took a long time for me to acknowledge, and even longer to accept, that I was a writer of some kind.
When I read Dr. Zhivago I was like, "Yes, of course, I get it," because he wanted to write poetry but entered the medical profession to earn a respectable living. I'm not as talented as Yuri, so I refrained from medical school and went straight for the words. We'll see how that works out.
In the meantime, my name is Joe and I've been writing for 18 years.
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