The Gift and The Curse

No. I am not psychic. I’m mixed.

And you probably are too. Although you may not want to talk about how you became multicultural, multilingual, or multiracial; the fact is, given the mixed history of America, you probably are.

So whether you self-identify as biracial, multiracial, multicultural, mixed race, splendid or blended, you may have, at one time or another, felt that being mixed was a gift and a curse.

 
Let’s start with the curse.

The curse is being asked, every day in some way, to pick a side: To choose blackness over whiteness when filling out a form; to join a conversation concerning “those people” and not offer your perspective for fear of exclusion from this group because what would you do if they knew that you were one of “them?”

The curse is being asked, “What are you?” by strangers as they reach out to touch your hair with one hand while grasping their pocket book tighter with the other.

“Clichés” you say? Not in my world. Every single day of my life, someone somewhere is asking me to choose. It may not be a verbalized command but the demand, nevertheless, exists.

“You’re too sensitive!” Really?

 
Let’s start from the beginning.

I was raised in all white Hungarian household without access to or knowledge of my parent of color until I was 26 years old. My family was white. My school mates were white. For all intents and purposes, I led a very white life. Yet, everyone in my neighborhood was demanding that I claim the color in my skin. So I learned and spoke Spanish to please my Puerto Rican friends. I listened and danced to Black music because that’s what my Black girlfriends were doing. I even tried speaking slang when white adults made fun of the “proper” way that I spoke.

None of it worked. It was never good enough.

I was never good enough. Rather, I was never white enough for white people and never black enough for Black people. My identity was shaped by a mentality of lack for most of my life. Forget the fact that I didn’t have a father figure. I didn’t have anyone who looked like me or understood my precarious situation either. To date, I don’t know what’s worse.

Thus the curse!
 
And now the gift…
  
Once I was told of my biracial heritage, I have spent every day since on an adventure, learning what it means, for me, to be mixed race. Blackness, just like whiteness, isn’t something that you just inherit. A magic fairy doesn’t just wave her magic wand and poof……you wake up knowing how to be Black or how to be white.

No, every day, mixed people have to find a way to live life on their terms. We have to learn to shake off the constant demands from strangers and family members who assume that our outer shell matches the soft, gooey, core mixed with a sprinkle of this and a dash of that.

For me, the gift is being able to relate and connect with people who understand what it means to be marginalized, categorized and told how to feel and act based on the collection of random numbers.

We are born multiculturalists, fluent in whiteness and ______________________ (insert your “otherness” here) and this is a skill that transcends boardrooms, classrooms, and pulpits.

So whether you are: Mixed OR a parent raising multiracial children OR an educator impacting a multicultural classroom, I challenge you to try on a new perspective. I challenge you to tell your story as if you were blessed with a gift instead of a curse.

Start a conversation and find a way to encourage a dialogue that celebrates the similarities instead of the differences.

This has been my journey, from childhood to adulthood. With the knowledge of my cultural heritage, I have made a choice to try on new identities and learn for myself what it means to be white and Black. No longer will I allow others to define me.

The Gift and The Curse

I’m Mixed Silly, not Psychic!  

About the Author:
Founder/CEO of Life Coaching with Tiffany Rae Life Coach,
Mentor & Host of Mixed Race Radio
201-450-3210
www.tiffanyraecoaching.com
  
 “Color Blind-A Mixed Girl’s Perspective on Biracial Life”          

A Guide for Parents, Caregivers and Family Members Raising Biracial Children-Color Blind is Tiffany Rae Reid’s Story of Growing Up Biracial. Within its pages, Tiffany Rae exposes the situations and relationships that helped and hurt her as she struggled to develop a racial identity that was more a part of her than a part of the world around her. Color Blind Provides Insight, Suggestions and Options for Biracial Individuals and for the Parents, Caregivers, Family Members and Educators Raising or Impacting the Lives of Biracial Children.
 
 http://amzn.to/JLoSrd