Not a Cookie Cutter
My mother used to say that when something bothers me, I’m like a dog with an old bone. I gnaw on it and gnaw on it and chew it up until there’s nothing left and then suddenly I come out of the blue with a proclamation. My impossibly patient mother would have to wait for me to do this anytime something upset or bothered me. She knew I was festering at something but when she’d ask, “Is something bothering you?” I’d usually respond, “No,” with a distracted frown and far away look. Then a week or two later (sometimes a month if it was something really bad) I’d suddenly spout off on whatever it was I’d been working at and I’d feel better and she’d patiently listen and then advise from there. Perhaps it is because I’m a writer that I do this. I want my argument to be convincing and articulate, so I have to think on and worry at it until it sounds the way I want it to. So I’m going to warn you now: this is a proclamation. There’s nothing in here about my books, what life has been like the last few weeks, or anything at all that I normally write about. Here goes:
I am NOT a cookie cutter Mormon.
Now, let me backtrack and explain what that means. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I often hear about how our lifestyle is too hard, there are too many expectations, etc. I’ve heard it from people I talked to, in the media and really, I’ve grown up hearing those kinds of things. But there’s been a recent trend that concerns me. Amongst those not of our faith, new converts and even some life-long members there’s this new (or perhaps just new to me) idea that Mormons are cookie cutters. You become a member and then poof! You’re suddenly expected to become a certain type of person who does certain things. Your whole life is planned out for you and you just willy-nilly fill in the blanks.
This is NOT true. No one expects you to become a “cookie cutter Mormon” after you’re baptized. In fact, such a thing doesn’t exist. And when you say things like that, you alienate those of us who conform to your idea of what a “cookie cutter Mormon” is.
Let me use myself as an example. I fit a lot of the “cookie cutter” descriptions. I was raised in the church and have never left it. I can sew (though not perfectly) and I love to quilt. I do! I have a garden with plans of adding to the one I have as well as starting another garden come spring. I can my own jams, jellies and other foods and I love to cook. And since my husband hasn’t lost weight since we married, I’m going to assume that I’m good at it. My husband and I have been starting our food storage and we’re working on a financial reserve. I got married at 24 and had my first child a year and a half later. Now I have two beautiful children and we plan on adding to our family as the good Lord sees fit. I have a firm testimony of God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. When the opportunity arises, I like to share that with people.
As you can tell, I fit a lot of the stereotypes of what a Mormon woman should be. Now let me tell you why I do those things. And very few of those are “because I’m Mormon.” First, I can sew and quilt. Did you know I also draw, paint, throw clay (when I can), write, wood burn and a multitude of other hobbies? I like to work with my hands. I am very much my father’s daughter. I can’t sit still with my hands doing nothing or I start to fidget. You’ve heard the phrase “idle hands are the devil’s playground.” Well, these are two playgrounds that he’s not welcome at. I sew and quilt not because it’s expected of me but because it’s what I enjoy doing. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not very good at either. I’m pretty good on straight seams, but get much more complicated than that and I start having problems. Yes, if you’re friends with me on Facebook you’ve seen that I made a teddy bear for my son last Christmas and this past summer I made a hat for my daughter since we’d be outside often and we discovered that she reacts badly to sunscreen. I could tell you how many times I had to rip seams and redo, but that’s really not important. The important part of this is I do sew and quilt because I love to, not because I’m expected to.
Second, I have a garden. This is because I love being outside and I love to garden. I would make a great hobbit because I love good food and there is just something heavenly about working the ground and watching new life grow. I don’t necessarily have the greenest of thumbs; some of my plants do die. But I love to try. And I love to grow things. Yes, it is true that Church leadership has encouraged us to have gardens where we can so that we can be self-reliant. And that I suppose is a small part of why I garden. But in all honesty, even if that counsel wasn’t given I would still garden. Being out in nature is one of my favorite things and the satisfaction of knowing that I raised it myself is just that much better.
Third, I can my own food and I cook. Both of these are purely and completely selfish of me. Growing up in my house from May until October my mother’s kitchen became a canner’s paradise. Jelly, jam, fruit butter, pickles, pie fillings, the list is almost endless. My mother spent days and days canning. And the thing of it is, my mother has food sensitivities. She can’t have fruit, especially not cooked fruit. Have you ever been in a house while someone was canning? The aroma is unbelievable and near indescribable. When we do strawberries, it’s like walking into a warm strawberry field. Just sweet and gooey and beautiful. My wonderful mother would spend an entire day canning, smelling this wonderful aroma and not be able to take even a nibble of what she had made. Secretly I was grateful, because I got to be the taste-tester. But the love with which she did that always impressed me. I don’t know my mother’s reasons for canning, and it isn’t important. She did it out of love. And because I grew up on homemade jams and applesauce, I can’t stand the stuff at the store. Perhaps it’s missing the love, maybe it’s just not the right texture, but I can’t eat it. It’s just not the same. And so I now can because my mom can’t always come to do it for me. She taught me to do it myself and when my kiddos are old enough, you better believe they’ll learn too. It’s not a Mormon thing. It’s a love thing. The kitchen is my favorite place to be, aside from maybe my writing desk. I love to cook and I love to be able to share that with others. And yeah, I’ll admit it, I’m a good cook.
Fourth, food storage and financial reserve. This is probably the only one that is mostly because it’s expected of me. Church leaders have consistently talked to us about being self-reliant. Having these reserves gives us peace in knowing that when the unexpected happens, because it will, we’ll be prepared. Our family hasn’t gotten to a full year’s supply and the supply we did have has dwindled because we lived off that storage while waiting for my husband’s job to start. But what a blessing it was to know that even though our budget between graduation and career was tight, there would still be food on the table. The blessings of following the commandments far outweigh the inconveniences.
Finally, family has always been important to me. I felt old when I got married because many of my friends had already married. When my husband and I were dating, I told him that I wanted a large family. My siblings and I are like a basket full of puppies. We played together, fought, pulled on each other’s ears and all those other things. But I was never lonely. I always had someone to turn to, whether my parents or one of my siblings. There was always someone I could talk to, even if I was mad at one of them or even half of them. I want the same for my children. I want them to always have someone to turn to. And it would be far too quiet with only one or two.
Even with all these things, I don’t consider myself to be a “cookie cutter Mormon.” I’ve made my own decisions in life. I’ve followed my own path. That path has kept me close to the Church. I’ve relied heavily on my faith in my Heavenly Father as I’ve come to crossroads and determined which road to take. Yes, there are things that are expected of me. And I try my best to live up to those expectations. But I do not feel that I am limited in what I can do. I don’t come to a crossroads and see a big sign saying, “If you’re a good Mormon you HAVE to go this way!!!” If anything, my faith, my decision to live up to what my Heavenly Father expects of me has given me more options and freed me to do much more than I ever thought I was capable of.
There are times in all our lives when we may feel out of place, or like we somehow don’t fit in. If you’re feeling that way now, whether in your church, your school, or your home, I would hope that you wouldn’t decide that it’s because you don’t fit a pretended mold. There is no one way to be a “good Mormon” or even to be a “good person.” We each must find our own path and follow it. But our path doesn’t have to be totally and completely different than anyone else’s. After all, there are over 6 billion people in the world. Do you really think everything you do is going to be unique to you? In some ways, it will be. There’s only one you. While you and I may make the same choices, may take the same path at that crossroads, how we travel it will be different. How we see it will be different. But the things that we choose to do and choose to be may be more similar than you realize. It doesn’t mean we’re identical, it means we get to share the road for a ways. So don’t be afraid to follow your path. Don’t be afraid to walk with others. But if you are on a lonely stretch, please don’t decide the rest of us are just on a certain path because we “have” to be. What may be an easy road for me may be rocky and difficult for someone else. And there have been paths that have been rocky for me where others have seemed to breeze through. The roads of life are many and varied, but they don’t have to be considered only for certain types of people. One day, our paths will meet and I’ll enjoy walking that trail with you if you like. In the meantime, remember that no one expects you to be a “cookie cutter.” Not all Mormons are the same any more than any other group is all the same. We’re all different, just the way our loving Heavenly Father planned for us to be. Embrace our differences. But also embrace our similarities.
I am NOT a cookie cutter Mormon.
Now, let me backtrack and explain what that means. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I often hear about how our lifestyle is too hard, there are too many expectations, etc. I’ve heard it from people I talked to, in the media and really, I’ve grown up hearing those kinds of things. But there’s been a recent trend that concerns me. Amongst those not of our faith, new converts and even some life-long members there’s this new (or perhaps just new to me) idea that Mormons are cookie cutters. You become a member and then poof! You’re suddenly expected to become a certain type of person who does certain things. Your whole life is planned out for you and you just willy-nilly fill in the blanks.
This is NOT true. No one expects you to become a “cookie cutter Mormon” after you’re baptized. In fact, such a thing doesn’t exist. And when you say things like that, you alienate those of us who conform to your idea of what a “cookie cutter Mormon” is.
Let me use myself as an example. I fit a lot of the “cookie cutter” descriptions. I was raised in the church and have never left it. I can sew (though not perfectly) and I love to quilt. I do! I have a garden with plans of adding to the one I have as well as starting another garden come spring. I can my own jams, jellies and other foods and I love to cook. And since my husband hasn’t lost weight since we married, I’m going to assume that I’m good at it. My husband and I have been starting our food storage and we’re working on a financial reserve. I got married at 24 and had my first child a year and a half later. Now I have two beautiful children and we plan on adding to our family as the good Lord sees fit. I have a firm testimony of God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. When the opportunity arises, I like to share that with people.
As you can tell, I fit a lot of the stereotypes of what a Mormon woman should be. Now let me tell you why I do those things. And very few of those are “because I’m Mormon.” First, I can sew and quilt. Did you know I also draw, paint, throw clay (when I can), write, wood burn and a multitude of other hobbies? I like to work with my hands. I am very much my father’s daughter. I can’t sit still with my hands doing nothing or I start to fidget. You’ve heard the phrase “idle hands are the devil’s playground.” Well, these are two playgrounds that he’s not welcome at. I sew and quilt not because it’s expected of me but because it’s what I enjoy doing. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not very good at either. I’m pretty good on straight seams, but get much more complicated than that and I start having problems. Yes, if you’re friends with me on Facebook you’ve seen that I made a teddy bear for my son last Christmas and this past summer I made a hat for my daughter since we’d be outside often and we discovered that she reacts badly to sunscreen. I could tell you how many times I had to rip seams and redo, but that’s really not important. The important part of this is I do sew and quilt because I love to, not because I’m expected to.
Second, I have a garden. This is because I love being outside and I love to garden. I would make a great hobbit because I love good food and there is just something heavenly about working the ground and watching new life grow. I don’t necessarily have the greenest of thumbs; some of my plants do die. But I love to try. And I love to grow things. Yes, it is true that Church leadership has encouraged us to have gardens where we can so that we can be self-reliant. And that I suppose is a small part of why I garden. But in all honesty, even if that counsel wasn’t given I would still garden. Being out in nature is one of my favorite things and the satisfaction of knowing that I raised it myself is just that much better.
Third, I can my own food and I cook. Both of these are purely and completely selfish of me. Growing up in my house from May until October my mother’s kitchen became a canner’s paradise. Jelly, jam, fruit butter, pickles, pie fillings, the list is almost endless. My mother spent days and days canning. And the thing of it is, my mother has food sensitivities. She can’t have fruit, especially not cooked fruit. Have you ever been in a house while someone was canning? The aroma is unbelievable and near indescribable. When we do strawberries, it’s like walking into a warm strawberry field. Just sweet and gooey and beautiful. My wonderful mother would spend an entire day canning, smelling this wonderful aroma and not be able to take even a nibble of what she had made. Secretly I was grateful, because I got to be the taste-tester. But the love with which she did that always impressed me. I don’t know my mother’s reasons for canning, and it isn’t important. She did it out of love. And because I grew up on homemade jams and applesauce, I can’t stand the stuff at the store. Perhaps it’s missing the love, maybe it’s just not the right texture, but I can’t eat it. It’s just not the same. And so I now can because my mom can’t always come to do it for me. She taught me to do it myself and when my kiddos are old enough, you better believe they’ll learn too. It’s not a Mormon thing. It’s a love thing. The kitchen is my favorite place to be, aside from maybe my writing desk. I love to cook and I love to be able to share that with others. And yeah, I’ll admit it, I’m a good cook.
Fourth, food storage and financial reserve. This is probably the only one that is mostly because it’s expected of me. Church leaders have consistently talked to us about being self-reliant. Having these reserves gives us peace in knowing that when the unexpected happens, because it will, we’ll be prepared. Our family hasn’t gotten to a full year’s supply and the supply we did have has dwindled because we lived off that storage while waiting for my husband’s job to start. But what a blessing it was to know that even though our budget between graduation and career was tight, there would still be food on the table. The blessings of following the commandments far outweigh the inconveniences.
Finally, family has always been important to me. I felt old when I got married because many of my friends had already married. When my husband and I were dating, I told him that I wanted a large family. My siblings and I are like a basket full of puppies. We played together, fought, pulled on each other’s ears and all those other things. But I was never lonely. I always had someone to turn to, whether my parents or one of my siblings. There was always someone I could talk to, even if I was mad at one of them or even half of them. I want the same for my children. I want them to always have someone to turn to. And it would be far too quiet with only one or two.
Even with all these things, I don’t consider myself to be a “cookie cutter Mormon.” I’ve made my own decisions in life. I’ve followed my own path. That path has kept me close to the Church. I’ve relied heavily on my faith in my Heavenly Father as I’ve come to crossroads and determined which road to take. Yes, there are things that are expected of me. And I try my best to live up to those expectations. But I do not feel that I am limited in what I can do. I don’t come to a crossroads and see a big sign saying, “If you’re a good Mormon you HAVE to go this way!!!” If anything, my faith, my decision to live up to what my Heavenly Father expects of me has given me more options and freed me to do much more than I ever thought I was capable of.
There are times in all our lives when we may feel out of place, or like we somehow don’t fit in. If you’re feeling that way now, whether in your church, your school, or your home, I would hope that you wouldn’t decide that it’s because you don’t fit a pretended mold. There is no one way to be a “good Mormon” or even to be a “good person.” We each must find our own path and follow it. But our path doesn’t have to be totally and completely different than anyone else’s. After all, there are over 6 billion people in the world. Do you really think everything you do is going to be unique to you? In some ways, it will be. There’s only one you. While you and I may make the same choices, may take the same path at that crossroads, how we travel it will be different. How we see it will be different. But the things that we choose to do and choose to be may be more similar than you realize. It doesn’t mean we’re identical, it means we get to share the road for a ways. So don’t be afraid to follow your path. Don’t be afraid to walk with others. But if you are on a lonely stretch, please don’t decide the rest of us are just on a certain path because we “have” to be. What may be an easy road for me may be rocky and difficult for someone else. And there have been paths that have been rocky for me where others have seemed to breeze through. The roads of life are many and varied, but they don’t have to be considered only for certain types of people. One day, our paths will meet and I’ll enjoy walking that trail with you if you like. In the meantime, remember that no one expects you to be a “cookie cutter.” Not all Mormons are the same any more than any other group is all the same. We’re all different, just the way our loving Heavenly Father planned for us to be. Embrace our differences. But also embrace our similarities.
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