Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.....

:::::Warning! This post is for the 18+ crowd ONLY::::::

Okay, time to step out of my comfort zone and share a scene from my upcoming standalone novel, ‘Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob’. Despite the title, there’s nothing even REMOTELY religious about this book, so just let go of that notion now before you go any further.

At the start of the book, Shanelle is a 21 year-old woman who’s just moved back home to help her struggling mother make ends meet. By the time you reach the end, 490 pages later, she’s 28 and her life has totally changed. I won’t give away too many details, but her story is definitely one that will keep you wondering what the heck is gonna happen next between Shan and the infamous Sinclair brothers. I’m beginning to think that I enjoy the art of writing messy characters/plots, but I can’t help it!

Unlike the other titles that I’ve released to date, this particular story has an all African-American character lineup. I like to switch it up, letting my heroines sample EVERY flavor of the rainbow. Sometimes it’s Asian, sometimes it’s Hispanic, sometimes it’s Native-American – just depends on my mood. This time, as it turns out, the object(s) of her affection happen to be strong, complex, incredibly sexy, African-American men.

I’m planning to release this one in between books 2 and 3 of the ‘Free Falling’ series just to break up the monotony a bit. Feel free to comment and ask questions! Hope you enjoy it! If you don’t, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! LOL Just kidding.

*****

Complete silence. I saw his back tense as he shook his head, wondering why I was bringing all this up now after so much time had passed, but I had my reasons. Of everything that was wrong with my life, namely the newly severed tie with my mother, my lost relationship with him was the only thing I could attack head on. I’d said all I could say to my mom, but there were still a few things that I felt Zo needed to hear.

After several seconds, he turned and looked me in my eye and my breath caught in my throat, instantly leaving me to regret making such a request. My emotions came flooding down and it took more effort than I care to admit to hold my composure. I missed him, still loved him, and found myself constantly fighting back feelings of jealousy knowing that he was occupying his time with other women. I clenched my fists and pretended not to care as much as I did, but I was sure he knew better.

“I’m listening,” he breathed casually.

I exhaled too. “I just want to understand, Zo. What was it that kept you from loving me?”

He looked at the ceiling and shook his head in exasperation. “Who says I never loved you?”

The question made my heart skip a beat. “Your actions say it.”

“Well then maybe you’re just not as observant as you think, because I did.”

He was lying and I knew it. A tear welled in the corner of my eye.

“Don’t. Don’t do that,” I said quietly. “It’s more hurtful to lie about it; just be straight up.” Realizing that I knew the truth, he lowered his head.

When he heard me sniff, we locked eyes again. “I know you think I planned it this way all along, Shan, but I didn’t.”

I heard his words, but they did nothing to soften the blow. It still didn’t make sense to me that I could feel all of these emotions toward a man who felt absolutely nothing for me. Nothing. How could I feel so full while he stared back with nothing but emptiness in his eyes? This broke what was left of my tattered heart.

Tear after tear fell and I didn’t bother trying to quench them. For weeks now, I’d held in all the hurt from finding out the truth about my father, all the rejection from Zo, and it started to spill out now. I was too broken to try to stop it. I pulled my hands to my face, attempting to hide from Zo and took a step toward the garage exit to make a getaway. I wasn’t ashamed for him to see me cry, but it wouldn’t do any good anyway, so why stand here with him watching me?

A warm pair of hands touched my shoulders and I was forced to stand in place, preventing me from running away. All I could do was shake my head in protest when words wouldn’t come out. I didn’t want him to touch me; that would only make it hurt more when he let me go again. Filled with desperation, I attempted to pull away for a second time and choked out a sob when I opened my eyes and looked at him. Why couldn’t I make him love me? What was it that I did, or didn’t do, that kept him just out of my reach? Secretly, I hated myself for not being enough. As badly as I wanted to, I couldn’t change him.

I stared at Zo, a mixture of love and hatred spewing from my soul with each tear that fell. I shivered watching him as he struggled to figure out why he, of all people, had made such an impression on my heart. I’m sure girls have been infatuated with him, maybe some had real feelings for him too, but no one had ever loved him like I did. I was sure of that. He stared with confusion in his eyes and I wished with everything in me that he would finally get it. However, I knew it was useless. To him, I was still harboring some childhood crush that I was mistaking for more. But he was so wrong about that.

Unexpectedly, he leaned in and embraced me. It was gentle and tender which made me cringe. Here he was again giving me himself halfway just to appease me. I hated it. Maybe even hated him. I gasped and leaned away when he pressed his lips to mine. Why was he doing this to me? Just because he could? Playing with my emotions was worse than not reciprocating them. It was downright cruel.

“Come on,” he breathed against my lips in a whisper.

I shook my head no, but didn’t fight against him as hard as I should have. I knew what he was doing. He saw an opening, a weakness, and was getting ready to exploit it because he knew that I wasn’t strong enough to tell him no. Without asking, or even considering that leading me on even further than he already had, Zo took my hand and led be through the back door, into his house. Beside his bed, he kissed the side of my neck down my shoulder to my bra strap before laying me down. This was a first. Usually it was outside in the garage, or around at the back of the house, once in a motel even, but never in his bed.

I stared as he pulled off his wife-beater and oil-stained jeans that he always worked in. Hastily, before I could come to my senses, he pulled down my shorts and panties, carelessly tossing them onto his dresser alongside a half-empty bottle of coke and the trophy he earned in high school when they won the state championship. I couldn’t breathe, both from crying and from trying to find my voice to stop him. I couldn’t do this again – get lost in him like I always do. The weight of his body quickly covered me, the scent from his sweat and the faint hint of soap on his skin. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. I wanted this and hated that I was this willing to give myself to him knowing that he didn’t deserve it.

Zo tasted my neck and then eased himself between my thighs where the heat from his shaft made me wet like usual and he’d barely touched me yet. When he slammed his way inside, I was grateful that no one else was home because I yelled out so loudly that I wasn’t sure my mother hadn’t heard me from next door.

Waves of emotion washed over me and I couldn’t grasp onto a single one as they pummeled my senses. One second I was in heaven, the next this felt more like torture. When I lapsed and allowed myself to enjoy our tryst, I was quickly reminded that when it was all over, he’d go back to pretending like I meant nothing – because that was the cold hard truth; I didn’t mean anything to him.

I wouldn’t let myself hold him – the less we touched the easier the disconnect would be afterward. Instead, I gripped the headboard to his bed while he had his way with me and made love to my body like it still belonged to him. I don’t know, maybe it did. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that it didn’t feel good, but I couldn’t lie to myself or to him. He knew me better than I knew myself.

I made the mistake of opening my eyes and looking at him which was all he needed to pinpoint how to break me. He reached up and pulled one of my hands away from the wooden post of his bed and kissed the center of my palm and each finger one by one as the strong façade I’d cast up began to fall. I felt the slight ease of tension in my other hand as I involuntarily removed it from the other bedpost and gripped his back. Once I began to kiss him back he knew he had me.

“Stop fighting it,” he breathed. But what did that mean? Stop protecting myself from his predatory ways? Stop keeping my distance from the one person who’d hurt me the most aside from my mother? Of course I was going to keep fighting.

“I don’t wanna do this,” I whispered, not saying the words sternly enough to
make him believe that I meant them.

“Feels like you want to.”

I closed my eyes and squirmed a little. What we were doing felt 100% wrong and 100% right all at the same time. How could I have been so stupid to let this man know that he alone is my weakness?

“You know why you love me so much?” he whispered, lips to my ear. His hips rose and fell quickly in between my thighs in a stirring motion that left me breathless.

I didn’t respond. I was entranced by him and wasn’t even sure if I could talk anyway.

“Because nobody gives it to you like I can.“ He paused to let a slick smile spread across his face. “Mmm hmm. You love me because this pussy loves me.” He glanced down momentarily to where our bodies connected in the most intimate of ways. He was right, ‘she’ did love him, but it was my hope that one day I would outgrow such feelings. They hadn’t gotten me anywhere but to his bed.

My head was pounding as I tried to cipher through what was real and what was a mirage. I knew he didn’t love me, but it at least felt like he did for now. I allowed myself to go there. Maybe it was the gentle way he pushed my hair away and kissed my face. Maybe it was the way that he looked at me when he made me moan and squirm beneath him. Whatever the cause, I capitalized on the moment and reveled in it. I imagined that I was the one woman in this world that he couldn’t live without. That was what I needed. I needed to believe, even if only for a fleeting moment, that I was loved. I was starving, and having him here on top of me made me feel greedy, like I could go back to being nothing more than a convenient lay for him if that was the only way I could have him. Was I really that desperate? Did I really not hold myself at a higher standard than that? I mean, I’d seen with my own two eyes that Zo had moved on – multiple times – with other women. Was I willing to share him? To share…..this?

“Yessssss!” I yelled as I climaxed, answering this question and celebrating the end of my drought – not just for sex, but for feeling some sort of a connection with someone. I was long overdue for both.

I watched him release and felt him shutter in my hands. As his high came down, his weight rested on me and we lay there kissing long after it was over. We rolled onto our sides and I could still feel him inside of me – limp and spent – but somehow this moment was more satisfying than the deed itself. This kiss. It wasn’t driven by lust; we’d already taken care of that. This kiss was possibly the most real display of emotion he’d given me in a while. It wasn’t to get me to sleep with him. It wasn’t to get back in my good graces. There was no ulterior motive behind it at all which made it that much sweeter.
His lips stopped moving and I opened my eyes to find him already staring at me. He didn’t move anything but his hand to my hip to pull me in a little closer.

There in his bed, in his arms, I made a decision that I was sure would one day be the death of me. I didn’t want to push him away again and made the choice not to, no matter what it would cost me. I didn’t want to just be the girl next door. I wanted to be more than that – even if only someone to fulfill his physical needs while tricking myself into believing that I was getting what I needed emotionally.
*****
That’s it for now! I may or may not post other excerpts at a later date. Haven’t decided yet, but if I do, you’ll be the first to know:)!! Don’t forget to leave a comment!

Raven~