The Emperor's New Clothes - 2013 Version

After my televised encounter with a Hollywood actor, Matthew Perry, on the subject of ‘Addiction’ , and the reaction to this encounter on Twitter (you’ve guessed, they preferred the actor to me)  I thought I would offer a new version of Hans Christian Andersen’s famous story ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’.

 

Once upon a time a great emperor was approached by two charming and persuasive gentlemen. ‘Your Majesty’, they said to him. ‘We are the possessors of a wonderful new invention which we would like to offer to you and you alone because of your greatness and gloriousness’.

 

The two men explained that they had created a new fabric of almost supernatural beauty, which would make the wearer look superb beyond all previous measure.

 

The Emperor (like everyone else vulnerable to flattery) accepted the men’s offer. He ordered his treasury to pay the men a large sum in gold. The two visited the emperor in his private chambers, asked him to disrobe, measured him elaborately , while larding him with further flattery about his magnificent physique (it wasn’t, actually, but he liked to be told it was).

 

They then departed (with the gold) saying they would return with his new robes in time for his forthcoming wedding with a beautiful princess from a country he wishes to swallow up in his empire.

 

And they returned on the appointed day, bearing richly decorated chests, which they brought to his private chamber. Again, he was asked to disrobe, again they praised his physique.  Then they opened the boxes. There was nothing in them.

 

The Emperor, having paid many thousands of golden ducats, looked at them in some doubt, snapping’ What is this? Where are the clothes? ‘The two men replied that they were only visible to the great and intelligent, and asked him to look again.  Mindful of his thousands of ducats, and of the need to appear intelligent and a la mode, the Emperor managed to persuade himself that the boxes were in fact full of shining raiment, and stood still as the two tailors fiddled about with thin air. As they pretended to dress him, he pretended to be dressed.

 

Then he advanced through the Palace. He stood on the dais of his great hall, telling his courtiers, nobles and army commanders that the new clothes were visible only to the loyal and the good. Word of his declaration spread out into the crowds beyond, even reaching the Princess as she waited at the cathedral.

 

The procession began. The soldiers glared at the crowds. The crowds stared at their naked ruler, willing their minds to believe that he was in fact magnificently clothed. After a few minutes, they had persuaded themselves that the clothes existed. So did the priests at the cathedral, and the Princess.

 

But there is a little footnote. As the wedded pair left the church, a small boy cried out ‘But he’s got nothing on!’, just as the bands and the crowd had fallen silent.

 

The crowd fell on the child and his father, who were beaten severely before being seized by the soldiers, dragged to the palace dungeons and tortured until they, too, agreed that the emperor’s clothes were real. And they all lived miserably ever after.

 

The End

 

I have long thought that Andersen’s parable was wrong. When people delude themselves about reality, those who point out their error are not praised or rewarded. They are shouted down, mocked and silenced . I’ll write more about the Matthew Perry encounter soon.