Being Inviting is better than Being Friendly

Each semester I assign students in my online class (Exploring the Christian Faith) to attend a Christian church service dissimilar from their own tradition. If they don’t have a church background, I give them some ideas and I also encourage Protestants to visit a Catholic or Orthodox church (and vice versa) if they haven’t been to one.  It’s been a great assignment and students have done well with it.

One student went to a large church and she said that the ushers were “friendly but not inviting.”  You know those moments; though there were smiles, handshakes, and warmth, she never felt like they wanted to know her.  There was no empathy, just a performance.

We work with our own teenage children about how to, as Hybels includes in his book Axiom, “pay attention to your hello’s and good bye’s.”  We want to not only perform friendliness, but to see connection person-to-person, as people who also sometimes feel insecure, who say things they wish they could take back, and who seek to fit in somewhere.

Friendliness can still keep people at a distance. We can smile and greet others, but clearly not want to connect any deeper than that. We don’t want to invite them into our circle where we live, where we belong, and where it may cost us.

I’ve watched numerous businesses function these past two holiday weeks and I’m routinely surprised how poor the point of customer contact is.  Even with what seems to be solid supervisory structures, cashiers seem put off to be at work, Christmas tree farm workers seem annoyed that people showed up to buy their trees, and public service people seemed to wish they could work without the public!

The year 2014 and beyond will be a period of invitation. With myriads of choices for people’s time, attention, and dollars, it won’t be enough to be friendly – every car dealer and college says their friendly – it will be those who want us to be a part of their circle that will get a second look.

So, think about your work.  Does it feel inviting to others? Are you doing more than just being friendly at the door, but seeking ways that your community (your circle) can be a place of warmth AND empathy?

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