Losing Control ........

according to the Talmud,………

God listens with great care to women’s cries,
for they instinctively try to solve their own problems themselves
and seek ‘outside help’
only in the worst of times.

In an effort to bring balance and peace back to my life, I’ve been spending some time going over some old research. Though Christian by choice and as such, a practicing Roman Catholic, I have always subscribed to a variety of disciplines when it comes to expanding my theological thought and reasoning. The obvious upside to this is it completely freaks out my family but guilty pleasures aside, I’ve always thought it a little obtuse to think Christians possess the one true path to divinity, because even within Christianity there exists so much diversity and dissention.

While most worship on Sunday, others such as Seventh Day Adventist hold Saturday as their Sabbath. Most of us are carnivorous, but Pentecost wouldn’t dare eat anything that bleeds. A good Catholic father wouldn’t think anything about occasionally imbibing, but a Mormon or Jehovah’s Witness wouldn’t think of touching a drink. While I’ve taken communion from a female priest in my sister-in-law’s Episcopal church, us Catholics still hold up men as superior …. which probably bothers me far less than one might think. The point is when Christians can’t come together and agree on the fine points of good practice, then who are we to espouse we hold the only keys to salvation?

Consequently, I’ve read parts of the Talmud, Torah and Zohar because they predate Christ and Christianity and were such a great part of the foundation for beliefs that I adhere to today. In addition, I’m a big fan of Deepak Chopra and have read a number of his books. More than any Western theological sects, I tend to believe the Hindus and Buddhists have come closer than all others in terms of discovering the true essence of God and creation. Hence my strong beliefs in karma, reincarnation and a grand design some people like to call pre-destination. I also like their concept of connectedness wherein we are not just connected to our past and future, but to one another and the environment we live in. This has enabled me to have greater tolerance for the human condition, as well as a great love and respect for all living things.

Besides this, I’ve also done considerable research on early Egyptian and Ethiopian cultural beliefs, as well as the Greeks and Romans, and it’s interesting to discover just how many strongly held customs and practices were born long before any thought was given to the possibility of Jesus as the Messiah. It seems to me most organized religion was born not out of core beliefs about divinity and salvation so much as the politics of the time in order to accommodate the desires of the elite, which is why I must fold Eastern cultural beliefs and ancient Gnosticism into my Western Christianity to come up with something truly believable.

But unfortunately over the course of the last couple of years, I’ve managed to lose sight of the willingness to let go of myself to the point I stop trying to control every aspect of my life and those I want to pull close. I believe this is what has been at the heart of most of my struggles of late naturally resulting from the fact I am single and self-supporting with an occasional tendency toward panic attacks.

Therefore I’m working very hard to strip away all that false bravado that I might re-establish my core beliefs. A close friend of mine referred to this as getting in touch with my Chi and I liked that. I already have all of the necessary tools to do this. Following is small passage from my book "Going Through The Change" found within the chapter addressing Spirituality. It is what I’ve always believed and what I’m in the process of getting back to once again.

To bring spiritual light and energy into your life, you must first triumph over the perception of I believe and replace it with an awareness of I know. To simply believe carries with it the notion you could be encouraged or swayed to believe something else entirely given a good enough argument.

To know, on the other hand, empowers you to live your life without question. To know even on the worst of days and at the worst of times when, despite all your good efforts, and still nothing is going your way, there is a master plan in place, which has weighed out all the variables and sees the outcome far in the distance to your greater advantage. To know the Creator is in control of everything he owns, and he owns everything, is a freedom from fear and anxiety that we, as women, must always have all the answers. Once we understand the reason for everything in existence, we begin to learn how to bring balance into our daily lives.

I’m not presumptuous enough to think I have all the right answers, or even that I know the one true path to serenity and everlasting life. To be honest, I know there are many paths to God’s greatness. Whether you study Buddhism or Christianity, Hinduism or Judaism, whether you pray to God or Allah, read the Torah or the ancient Zohar, the one common thread and underlying truth in each is the existence of a higher being, the Creator, the giver of life and the center of all light in the universe.

Think of the enormous advantage of building a connection to your Creator! To know in this modern world of control freaks and master manipulators, you can happily relinquish your quest for power over to the One whose only motivation is your continued growth and spiritual well-being. To know through prayer and meditation, through developing your ability to share and enlighten others without regard for yourself, you will continue to evolve into the graceful gift He had planned from the start, and as a result, receive from life the essence of everything you have ever desired and more than you ever dared dream. Only by saying, no to what conventional wisdom has taught us, can we gain some semblance of control by knowing we are in control nothing. Then and only then have we honestly bridged the gap between what we believe and what we know.