Is this year over yet?

Well, this has been a hell of a seven days. Last Thursday I had to go to the oral surgeon and have three teeth pulled. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The surgeon and his team were awesome, from start to finish. If you are in Orlando and need oral surgery I highly recommend Dr. Scott Farber. They did everything in their power to put hubby and I at ease and when I went in I actually had no anxiety about it. Of course now that the work is done, this shit hurts. No pain pills because of the heart stuff, so I am in a lot of pain. So now I am bruised and suffereing.

Then yesterday I went to get my hair cut. I decided that I needed to hve it short for the surgery and recovery since I am going to have trouble maintaining it. Those of you who know me, know how long it took to get my hair long and the troubles I had keeping up with it. I am not going to be able to do that for a while, so I went short. Now, this may sound silly, but other than some breakdowns here and there, I have been okay about the surgery. So I am sitting in the chair yesterday and the little gal pulls myhair up in the rubberband and starts to snip. I teared up, got short of breath, and thought I might slip into a full blown anxiety attack. It was the first time I realized just how much I am giving up to get this LVAD and what it is going to mean. It scared the hell out of me. I managed to simmer down, but it was weird.

So then yesterday I had to tell my friend that I could not go see Andrea Boccelli with her. She got wonderful seats and was taking me to cheer me up. I can’t tell you how much I was looking forward to it. I was going to see Boccelli for free. Well, because of the teeth and germs, infections, blah blah blah I am not able to go. I won’t get to see them (Tami, her sweet boy Austin, and Michael who just came home from Japan as a newly promoted Corporal.) This was a once in a lifetime opportunity and this damn heart has taken it away from me. It infuriates me, and makes me too sad.

But, such is life and I will man up and get over it. But it sucks and now I am crying again, so I will close. Not looking for any sympathy here, just needed to vent.