Plumbing and/or Scaling the Entire Range of Human Experience Before Breakfast

[The following contains hyperbolic silliness and should not be taken literally. I do not consider children or children's literature unworthy. I write it because I love it and believe in it. Also: don't mistake my tone for anger. This is me laughing merrily. I feel a bit silly explaining myself in such detail, but this is the internet. Tone is hard to hear on the internet.]

Ah, my darlings, the winter bear has been prodded from her slumber.

First there was an article about how Kent University wa...