Ooh! Bright! Shiny!

Today I typed the two scariest words in an author’s repertoire: Chapter One. I have enough of the idea of the book — of its characters and its shape and its form — in my head to start. Right now, it is beautiful and pristine and, frankly, I love it. It is clearly brilliant.

So why so scary?

Because I know it will never live up to the amazing bright shininess I want it to be. It just can’t. Nothing is that good. But, oh, I so want to try because what if this time is the time that it actually lives up to what I want it to be? What if this time my inner genius comes out to shine? Really, it could be it. I mean, why not, right?

Which is, to be honest, even more scary in its own way.

And really, none of it matters. I’m going to do it anyway. I don’t know why I have to dither over it, but apparently I do. Today I hit the point when I’d dithered enough, wrote Chapter One and then “Somehow it seemed appropriate that I was drunk when I got the call.”

Wish me luck! I’m diving in!