Answers to 8 questions asked by my daughter.

1. Yes you can marry that boy from school and I’m very glad I can come to the wedding for free.  No you can’t live in my house when you’re married, I need your room for my breakdown.

2. Babies get out of your stomach through a hole in your vagina. Which only appears after you’re at least 28. No babies until then.  No, David is wrong, a man with scissors won’t just cut it out.  Your friend David is an idiot.

3. You will get big boobs when you’re grown up. No, not mine, your own – these aren’t heirlooms.

4. Yes, it probably will still be funny to say ‘booby booby’ when you touch them but best not to do it in public.

5. Daddy and I won’t get married because we like each other enough to not ruin your life.

6. No, you can’t sleep in my bed; you sleep like you’re on fire.

7. Some people believe in God, some people don’t and some people aren’t sure. You’re free to choose whichever one you want.

8. Yes unicorns are real, because you’re 7 and I’m not shitting all over your childhood.