Coming Out - The Price We Have To Pay
In my new book “The Hell Of Osirak”, the reoccurring theme for the hero Nikki Sinclair, is the price she has to pay for being a lesbian. In Chapter 17 she pleads for acceptance of her sexuality from society.
“I’m a lesbian, that’s what I am. It’s as simple as that. I feel the personal cost to myself is huge, pretending constantly to be someone I’m not. What’s wrong with being gay? I have never been able to understand it. Surely the most important part of life is loving someone. It shouldn’t matter what sex they are. I don’t know if I can pretend to be straight anymore. If I come out, I know I’ll have to leave the Service. If that is the price I have to pay, I’m willing to pay the price. I cannot go on living a lie.”
My book is set in 1981, and hopefully times have changed. The heterosexual world likes to think so, but for LGBT people I think the problems that Sinclair encountered remain for us today.
The other night I was watching “Last Tango in Halifax” on television. Yes, I know, it was probably filmed a couple of years ago, but it takes ages to reach NZ. The main character Caroline comes out to her mother, her reaction is one of shock and disgust. Attitudes have not changed that much in thirty years.
In many schools, universities and societies around the world, it’s not cool to be gay. Earlier this year, I read an article in The NZ Herald, about the “Chime for Change” foundation, this is a movement that is raising funds and awareness for women's rights and empowerment around the world.
In the article a 23-year-old health care worker from Malawi came out, she received death threats and was disowned by her father. However, she continued to speak out, for other lesbians who would be forced into marriage or worse.
I applaud her courage, this is in a country where homosexuality is viewed as the devil’s work.
It is equally difficult for youth in towns and villages who become aware that they are not interested in the opposite sex. They realise that they are different from their friends who have fantasies dating the members of the latest boy/girl band. The nightmare of going on dates when you are praying that he/she doesn’t kiss you, having to read LGBT books in secret, and the list goes on and on. You can never reveal the real “you” to the world because the consequences are too terrifying to think about.
It takes extraordinary courage to “come out” to employers, colleagues, family and friends. Many of us come out, because we can’t stand to live a lie, and pretend to be straight, and often the price we pay is enormous.
From my own experience it was something I had to do, and it’s very freeing to be OUT AND PROUD.
In my next blog – I’ll be blogging about my own experience of “Coming Out.”
“I’m a lesbian, that’s what I am. It’s as simple as that. I feel the personal cost to myself is huge, pretending constantly to be someone I’m not. What’s wrong with being gay? I have never been able to understand it. Surely the most important part of life is loving someone. It shouldn’t matter what sex they are. I don’t know if I can pretend to be straight anymore. If I come out, I know I’ll have to leave the Service. If that is the price I have to pay, I’m willing to pay the price. I cannot go on living a lie.”
My book is set in 1981, and hopefully times have changed. The heterosexual world likes to think so, but for LGBT people I think the problems that Sinclair encountered remain for us today.
The other night I was watching “Last Tango in Halifax” on television. Yes, I know, it was probably filmed a couple of years ago, but it takes ages to reach NZ. The main character Caroline comes out to her mother, her reaction is one of shock and disgust. Attitudes have not changed that much in thirty years.
In many schools, universities and societies around the world, it’s not cool to be gay. Earlier this year, I read an article in The NZ Herald, about the “Chime for Change” foundation, this is a movement that is raising funds and awareness for women's rights and empowerment around the world.
In the article a 23-year-old health care worker from Malawi came out, she received death threats and was disowned by her father. However, she continued to speak out, for other lesbians who would be forced into marriage or worse.
I applaud her courage, this is in a country where homosexuality is viewed as the devil’s work.
It is equally difficult for youth in towns and villages who become aware that they are not interested in the opposite sex. They realise that they are different from their friends who have fantasies dating the members of the latest boy/girl band. The nightmare of going on dates when you are praying that he/she doesn’t kiss you, having to read LGBT books in secret, and the list goes on and on. You can never reveal the real “you” to the world because the consequences are too terrifying to think about.
It takes extraordinary courage to “come out” to employers, colleagues, family and friends. Many of us come out, because we can’t stand to live a lie, and pretend to be straight, and often the price we pay is enormous.
From my own experience it was something I had to do, and it’s very freeing to be OUT AND PROUD.
In my next blog – I’ll be blogging about my own experience of “Coming Out.”
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Terri
(new)
Dec 16, 2013 06:07PM
So well put and so true! It is very hard for a lot of people even in today's world to just be who they are without fear! Good for you for being out and proud! I am out to most but have dealt with discrimination before so I am fairly private at work or when I need to be. Although I would never deny it if asked. I am just who I am and am not defined by being a lesbian. I am just a woman!
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