You Might Need to be an Alcoholic So Stop Fighting It

I go to war against myself on a regular basis. You would think that I’d know better because I’ve never managed to win one of these encounters – how can I possibly win when the other side knows all of my weaknesses? The only way I can be victorious is to stop viewing myself as the enemy – this is how I stopped being an alcoholic.

War and Peace with the Inner Drunk

I once believed my alcoholism was due to a disease – this helped to explain why a part of my own mind seemed to be working against me. The AA people told me that my only hope was to arrange a ‘one-day-at-time’ peace treaty with my inner demon.

I unquestionably adopted the disease theory to explain my enthusiasm for alcoholism for a long time, and I did manage to have periods of relative peace. I once managed to stay sober for a full two years but for most of this time it felt like I was walking on eggshells. It is hard to completely relax when you believe there is a demon inside you called alcoholism just waiting for a chance to destroy you.

When I wasn’t trying to broker a peace treaty with my inner-alcoholic, I would be out there on the battlefield. I tried every possible tactic to bring this demon under control. I’d sometimes manage to go weeks where I’d act like a social drinker, but these victories on the battlefield were always short-lived.

At the end of my drinking, I felt completely hopeless. I knew there was no way that I’d ever be able to beat this inner-demon – in fact, my opponent was seemed to be getting stronger. The idea of another peace treaty didn’t sound so appealing either – I’d had enough of being afraid of myself.

Why I Needed to be a Drunk

I managed to stop being an alcoholic when I realized there was no demon inside trying to get me. It turns out that it was all one huge embarrassing misunderstanding. My inner-alcoholic was really just an inept friend and not any type of monster. The poor guy had been trying to help me for years, but I’d been too busy fighting him or hiding from him to consider his motives.

My alcoholism served a function – it provided me with a cushion against the ups and downs of life. As a teenager I felt completely overwhelmed by my emotions but alcohol helped me cope. Maybe I would have committed suicide or ended up in a locked psychiatric ward without it.

The driving force behind my addiction was the need to feel safe and comforted. These are two of the most important human needs, so it is hardly surprising that part of my mind felt protective over something that had seemed to help me so much.

I tried to rationalize with this part of my thinking, but it could never work – if it did, none of us would have any bad habits. This is because this part of my mind doesn’t deal in words – it only cares about experience. Alcohol had helped me to cope in the beginning, and this is why my inner friend continued to promote it.

How I Stopped Being a Drunk

I gave up fighting alcoholism and instead befriended it. I discovered what was driving the behavior, and this made it possible to negotiate a permanent peace. I demonstrated to that part of my mind that it could have the safety and comfort it yearned for by choosing a different type of life. My words alone weren’t good enough – I had to show this part of my mind what was possible.

The part of my mind that drove my alcoholism wasn’t being unreasonable. I had needs that were not being met, and it was doing the best it could. Once I found an alternative way to meet these needs, alcoholism no longer felt necessary. Staying sober became easy, and I’ve never struggled since.

Going to war against myself is just a waste of time. If there is a behavior I want to change, I need to understand the reason it exists in the first place. It is always going to be due to some inner need that is not being properly dealt with.



How to Stop Needing to Be an Alcoholic

• Stop seeing alcoholism as the enemy

• Figure out how being an alcoholic is benefiting you

• Once you have found the need this behavior is serving, find a better way of better serving it