What Holds Me Back?

Why do I fear success as much as I do failure?

It's a question I sometimes ask myself and one which scares me when I think about the possibilities. Despite my appearance to friends and family, despite my normally outgoing nature, I have a tremendous amount of self doubt. At times this is evident to my online friends, when I seem to disappear off the radar for a while, only to reappear like nothing happened.

I'm not yet famous, not even close to being well known, so why am I so anxious about fame? Well, it's simple, I think I fame will destroy me. It sounds bizarre I know. Imagine, the one thing pretty much everyone aspires to and yet, once people experience fame, the sudden, daunting responsibility becomes more of a burden than a welcome responsibility.

I guess I know myself and I know how self destructive I can sometimes be. I know I have a tendency to throw all caution to the wind. I know I listen too much to those few negative voices, instead of concentrating on the many positive ones. I know I struggle with normal life, so how on Earth am I meant to manage a life in the spotlight?

Well, despite my apprehensions, I welcome the challenge. I've been preparing myself for the possibility that once my work is more widely read, I may well find myself at least better known, at best, very well known and that is a very daunting prospect indeed.

Am I being arrogant? Not really. I am trying to be confident. Am I being foolish? Possibly. Am I worrying too much about something that may not ever happen? More than likely. But I just want to prepare my heart and mind and keep my focus well and truly ahead and my feet planted firmly on the ground. In the meantime, fame still seems such a long way off.

I guess the only thing holding me back from really going for it is myself. Being successful is only a small part of the equation.