Why I Make It My Job To Be Home

I once read "Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life."Well let me be the first to say how true that sentence really is!This time last year I was up to my eyeballs in frozen pies, dairy products, seasonal displays, and too many frantic customers to count. I was a department manager of frozen and dairy during the busiest time of year known to the grocery industry. I was well on my way towards a promotion that I really wanted at one point in my ten year career in retail.
I made decent money. Got home by 4pm every day with the exception of the holidays, I was at a point where I only had to work one weekend day out of the month. I knew my job and did it well, but there wasn't one day that whole month that I could make it to work or home without crying like a big baby. It was really ridiculous.  I mean why was I so miserable, at least I was working right? And there are worse jobs out there I guess, at least I wasn't stuck cleaning dog anal glands and cat pooh all day for a living (both dirty jobs that somebody's gotta do, and I really commend those folks!), but it wasn't the job that had me crying it was so much more.
Not only did I go home feeling like my work was never done, but I always felt guilty as soon as I walked through my door. I'm not one of those people that thinks or says society "programmed" me into feeling this way either. I'm a mother that had a very real feeling of guilt and regret when I came home in a bad mood, or fell asleep as soon as I sat down on the couch, or snapped at everyone for no reason.
I remember last Black Friday. I got off work early that morning after a long night of dealing with the happy and excited to the miserable wish I didn't have to wait in these stupid long lines customers and I was exhausted. Wanting to eat my saved Thanksgiving plate, but too tired I went to bed and fell asleep with out even taking off my shoes.
I awoke a couple of hours later to the sound of my family laughing and joking in the living room. I thought to myself if I don't get up now I'm going to sleep all day and I have gotta work in the morning.
I looked down at my hands that hurt so bad I couldn't make a fist and I decided to stop wishing things were different and do something different. That was the last day I walked into a place where what I did made no difference to anyone.
Now my days are spent taking the kids to and from school where we talk about our days. Playing pretend with my three year old, scouring the internet to market my new found projects, my house is still a mess, I am on the PTO at all my kids schools, and I'm dating a great guy... my husband!
There's one thing I'm not doing. I am not stressing, which is really weird because I stress even less now that I don't have a regular paycheck coming in than I did this time a year ago. It's a good thing I don't measure personal success by how much money one has though because we have made some sacrifices in that area.
I'm content every time I get emails from women saying that my book has had a positive impact on their lives, or when I'm painting, or crafting with my mom. I won't ever trivialize what anyone else choses to do with their lives especially now that I've learned how that feels.  I am home. That's what will be remembered by the people who matter to me most. I can teach my kids to be happy with what they have, find what they love and just go for it. My kids will know what's really important is our relationships and giving unto others, even if it's just of your time. So when asked why I do all these things I have a real simple answer. It's all very selfish really. I wanted to be happy. Now I am.
 ~Cheryl Renee' Seagraves