What I Know for Sure… Misery loves Misery
I have some amazing people in my life who have been there for me when I was at my lowest. They patched me up, helped me to my feet and sent me on my way. Then there are those people in my life who find me at my worse, patch me up and hold me down. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I finally have. The thing is, I have serious seasons of depression. Real bad seasons where I withdraw from everybody, I let myself go, I’m distant and unmotivated and all I can think to do is get a job somewhere and be normal people. Get up, go to work and come home. Being Red Summer is just too much. The schedule, the constant travel, the demands of myself, my art, my time… being ON becomes too much to bare and I turn off.
Normally, in these times, someone will see me in my sadness and take pity on me. They jump in and help me out of the grand messes I seem to get myself into. They help with the kids, the bills, remind me to shower from time to time and they love me. At my lowest, they love me. That is such an amazing and beautiful thing. Until my depression passes. Then, I wake up. I get up and get moving. I’m inspired, I create, I find things that I’m interested in and I pursue them with passion. I come alive. And the person who was there at my low point… is devastated. I’m gone all the time, I’m out all the time, I need to come or go home and sit down somewhere… My happiness makes them miserable.
What I know for sure is… Misery loves Misery. Some people are not invested in your happiness. Not if they are not the cause of it. In this case, it is not your happiness that makes them feel needed and worthwhile. It’s your misery. Your misery gives them purpose, drive and inspiration to help. But once you are healthy again or stable again or happy for some other reason… they feel left out. They secretly wait for you to mess up or fall down so they can spring into action and thrive on your misfortune yet again. That is not healthy. As I’m entering my season again, I have to remind myself of that and be aware of who I let help me get through this time.
