Cut the clutter in writing.
“Clutter is the disease of American writing. We are a society strangling in unnecessary words, circular constructions, pompous frills, and meaningless jargon.” William Zinsser in his classic text, On Writing Well.
I totally agree. Cluttered writing is a major issue with a large number of the self-published books I read, and many of them are supposedly ‘professionally’ edited. Clearly, they either didn’t have a line edit, or their line editor doesn’t understand what makes good writing.
Writing cluttered with extraneous words is also called over-writing. Uncluttered writing is clean and crisp. It says what the author is trying to say clearly, and it gets to the point without bogging the reader down in deadwood that only bores, distracts, or confuses our readers.
To the fledgling writer, overwriting may feel rich or poetic (it did to me too when I started out, before my first editor friend set me straight.) I have even seen a reviewer of a severely overwritten book call it poetic. Hmm.
But it isn’t, and we can make sure that our writing does not suffer from this disease by following a simple rule: don’t use unnecessary words. Cut out any language that is vague, repetitious, or pretentious.
The instruction to cut the clutter in writing is vitally important if you want your work to look sophisticated. Here’s how to do it.
1. Reduce Long Clauses
Reduce long clauses to shorter phrases:
Overwritten: The dog who was in the playground was eating a bone.
Revised: The dog in the playground was eating a bone.
2. Reduce Phrases
Try to reduce phrases to single words:
Overwritten: The man at the end of the line tried to jump the queue.
Revised: The last man tried to jump the queue.
3. Avoid Empty Openers
Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence:
Overwritten: There is a toy in every packet of Weetbix.
Revised: A toy is in every packet of Weetbix.
Overwritten: There are two dogs in the yard.
Revised: Two dogs wait in the yard.
4. Don’t Overuse Modifiers
Very, really, totally, and other modifiers add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence.
Overwritten: When she got home, Janice was very tired and really hungry
Revised: When she got home, Janice was exhausted and hungry.
5. Be Precise & Avoid Redundancies
Replace redundancies (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point or words that repeat the same idea twice) with precise words. Unnecessary words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They merely distract from our ideas and make reading like pushing your way through a forest, instead of walking on the path.
Common phrases that mean little, if anything
all things considered
as a matter of fact
as far as I am concerned
at the end of the day
at the present time
due to the fact that
for the most part
for the purpose of
in the event of
it seems that
Commonly heard redundancies (cut the word in italics):
(absolutely) essential,
(advance) planning,
(all-time) record,
(armed) gunman,
(brief) moment,
(completely) annihilate,
descend (down),
sit (down),
(entirely) eliminate,
introduced (for the first time),
(mental) telepathy,
(outside) in the yard,
(temporary) reprieve
See this list for more.
Other words & phrases you can usually do without:
began to
started to
would
should
in order to
because of
caused him/her/it to
decided to
6. Use Active Verbs
Whenever possible, make the subject of a sentence do something.
Overwritten: The books were reviewed by the authors in the group.
Revised: The authors in the group reviewed the books.
7. Don’t Try to Impress
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Leonardo da Vinci. Don’t use big words or lengthy phrases when a simpler one is clearer or more precise. You may think it’s impressive, but it isn’t; it’s clumsy. Find the best words for the job.
Overwritten: Athletes who are participating in the games should be empowered to participate in the food selection process.
Revised: Athletes should be able to choose their own food.
8. Cut adverbs
Replace adverbs with active verbs. Lots of adverbs are the mark of an amateur writer.
Overwritten: He ran angrily across the lawn.
Revised: He stomped across the lawn.
9. Cut adjectives
Double adjectives should be the first to go, usually they are simply not needed.
Overwritten: The bright golden sun warmed us.
Revised: The bright sun warmed us. (Suns are golden anyway, so you don’t need to say it)
Overwritten: The dark night hid the shed from view.
Revised: The night hid the shed from view
Nights are always dark, so you don’t need to tell us that it’s dark.
Also consider: The night hid the shed.
Is ‘from view’ necessary? The answer will depend on context, but often such phrases can also be cut.
9. Avoid Using Noun Forms of Verbs
Don’t name something when you can show it instead.
Overwritten: The presentation of the arguments by the politicians was unconvincing.
Revised: The politicians presented their arguments unconvincingly. Or . . .
The politicians argued unconvincingly.
10. Don’t say the same thing twice.
Don’t restate something that is already clear.
Overwritten: “What? I don’t understand?” George said, confused.
Revised: “What? I don’t understand?” George said. (It’s clear from his speech that he’s confused, so you don’t need to say it.)
Overwritten: The sun set, sinking behind the hills.
Revised: The sun sank behind the hills.
Also check that you haven’t repeated the same idea in consecutive paragraphs.
11. Cut unnecessary dialogue tags.
Overwritten: ‘We’ve got to get away,’ John said.
‘How? We’re stuck here,” Mary replied.
‘I think I know a way,’ John said.
‘The only way out of this place is past those guards,’ Mary said, shaking her head.
‘Shut up and follow me,’ John said, setting off towards the shed.
‘You’d better be right!’ Mary retorted, stumbling after him.
Revised:
‘We’ve got to get away,’ John said.
‘How? We’re stuck here,” Mary replied.
‘I think I know a way.’
Mary shook her head. ‘The only way out of this place is past those guards.’
‘Shut up and follow me.’ John set off towards the shed.
Mary stumbled after him. ‘You’d better be right!’
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