The Tragic Consequences of Crafting Snowmen While Under the Influence of a Broken Heart

I won’t go into the whole broken heart thing—this isn’t the first time one of my books tanked, but I wasn’t braced for it. I really thought this one would do well. So the way I am handling my wild grief is by deciding to never write again, never, except haiku, and by throwing myself into crocheting…things.

Everything. Mittens, hats, scarfs, and now little snowmen. Little snowmen designed to hang on the Christmas tree.

These snowmen are very simple, and I’m going to give you a craft tutorial! As well as showing you a few areas where the grief-stricken crafter should avoid the edge of the creative cliff.

Chain three, and join with a slip stitch. Six single crochet into the center, and join with a slip stitch. The second row- two single crochet in each stitch and join the circle at the end. Leave yourself the long thread at the beginning and the end. The second circle, the belly, gets and extra row. You tie the head to the body with the two long strings.



So the first miscalculation was when I decided to make ethnically diverse snowmen. So I used tan colored yarn:



Then, I realized that no matter how ethnically diverse, snowmen were always white. Because they were made of snow. But I will admit the tan snowman looked very handsome in his pink scarf and hat:



So, back to the white snowman; I decided to add a little French flair and made him a crocheted beret in blue with matching scarf. That looked excellent, so I decided to add a couple of testicles. When I looked through the matching blue glass beads, I came upon some lovely sparkling beads and made the snowman a penis, which I called The Jeweled Penis of Ra.



At this point I began to wonder about my sanity. I removed the Jeweled Penis of Ra, and made the snowman a bellybutton instead.

If anyone needs a hat, or perhaps some mittens, please contact me asap.