Can We Use Our Words, Please?

Almost all of us can recall being in a dustup as a kid. When an adult intervened, we got admonished for hitting each other (or throwing sand, or pulling hair) and told to 'work it out' or 'use our words'. Although I can't speak for every single culture, there is a fairly universal need for people to learn at a young age to resolve disputes without having fights in public. Even societies which allow for conflict resolution by violence tend to do so in a carefully prescribed way, rather than flailing at each other willy-nilly every time someone annoys someone else.

The denizens of Fantasyland (and to a lesser extent Urban Fantasy City) seem to have significantly less qualms about disrupting their routine to kick some ass. Obviously, some of this is a necessary deviation from reality-- after all, listening to people who aren't even real argue in circles is about half a step above watching paint dry in terms of entertainment value. That said, there are all kinds of ways to create interesting conflict without having characters constantly kicking the crap out of each other.

Part of the problem, I think, is the conflation of 'strong characters' with physical aggression. This is particularly true of female characters, who often get accused of being wimpy Victorian stereotypes if they're not curb-stomping a monster every other minute. Meanwhile, menfolk are being held to the strict standards of masculinity as a function of how much butt they can kick. Male characters who deviate from this are coded as wimps, and either become more athletic and aggressive, or become a permanent punchline.

While some liberty has to be taken (for example, people will often rehash arguments many times before the conflict moves forward, which doesn't work in fiction), it's a good idea to think about the many forms a conflict can take. In some cases, much of the tension can even be driven by the characters' internal monologues. And also think about the myriad problem-solving strategies that don't involve beating the antagonist into a pulp.