When Do You Call an Older Woman by “Khaltie”?
When is it acceptable to call a person by their first name, or add an aunt or auntie beforehand?
Let me explain: a while back a lady was struggling with something she was holding on to. I wanted to help so I go “Here Khalti… let me help you” where khaltie means “Auntie” and is used to address older people out of respect. Given that I don’t know the woman and she was dressed in a black abaya and had some children and actually looked old, I used the word Khaltie. A while later, the very same lady, my respected khalti, during a conversation looks at me and almost spat venomously “I’m almost your age, and you called me khaltie! Why did you call me khaltie?”.
I felt for the woman, I really did. She was indeed almost my age -a handful of years apart only after we asked, she looked older!- but we certainly didn’t look the same age. I made two mistakes here, first I assumed she was much older when indeed I have to have a moment with myself and realise I’m not so young myself, I forgot I was in my 30′s! The second mistake I made was that even if she was indeed much older, given that I am not 15 anymore it is rude to point out that she is as old as your aunt therefore using the word “ikhty” -sister- instead of “khaltie” -auntie- would have been more appropriate and more friendly.
Women are weird when it comes to their age. Growing up, I knew of three women relatives of mine only ten or fifteen years older than myself and it would’ve been weird to actually call them “auntie” and I knew they wouldn’t like it. With their permission and because it makes them happy, I call them by their first name only and I do so still. I do the same now with people I know who are 10-15 years younger than me, I ask them to call me by my first name, Nadooya, and almost all of them oblige gladly. The ones who don’t are the obnoxious ones who seem to insist using the word “khaltie” to address me just because they see it bothers me, time and time again, ignoring my request not to use it. Yes it does bother me. Its not cute, its not respectful, and unless you are a really tiny baby or aged less than 10 years old, don’t use it with me. It hurts, it means, plain and simple, that I am an old lady old even though it “supposedly” entails respect. I’m weird that way but that’s that and I don’t think I’m the only one. I’m not fifty, I’m only 33 -or 19-!
Now, have you ever called someone “khaltie” and had your head almost bitten off like I did? I have to say I now understand the way the lady was thinking, it was like I was pointing out she looked old when she wasn’t that old, she was just weighed down with life, and that I was somehow mocking her with my youth. Am I making any sense? Not until you get your very first “Khaltie” call do you cross over and begin to view the word as an insult rather than a sign of respect. My advice? As a compromise, you can use “ikhty” for strangers and/or “umm flan” -mother of someone- for women you know who are married but not that much older than you and make sure that if you are using the word “khalti” that you do with extreme caution, or else!
What do you think?
