The State of the Union
I have to be inspired.
I like music and movies and the heightened feeling I get when one or the other drives me to want to give someone the same rush I just got from said medium.
The older we get and more experiences we have, the clearer things come into focus. Priorities, principles and perspectives. In youth, we never consider consequences or the perspectives of others nearly as much as we should but as we age, as relationships start, die, change and grow and as we chart our business and personal lives out, it is incredible the transformation that occurs within.
Growing up, I was very fortunate; I was blessed with a great family. I went to a good school, effortlessly got good grades and had good friends. Only child syndrome and driven by a desire to make my parents proud have caused me to stop at nothing to find success. But the definition of success keeps changing.
At 22 I moved away from my hometown and embarked on a workaholic career in sales that has netted money, awards, promotions, a book and a lot of highs and lows and pleasure and disappointments. At 34, I no longer have the invincibility; I tire, I wonder, I take breaks. Now I’m Daddy, working 70 hours a week and trying to juggle the world. I get writer’s block, I try to make time to work out and I feel far too often like I have no clue what’s next.
Recently, we saw the new Wizard of Oz film. The to-be-annointed Wiz states, “I don’t want to be a good man. I want to be a great man”; a sentiment that perfectly captures my conundrum. For the more we want out of life, the more life throws at us. Superheroes, Presidents, and even Rocky Balboa – they went through and go through hell to endure their “trials” and their tribulations, only to discover their powers and reach their apex. When will I reach mine? Or are my best days behind me?
Years ago, there was no stopping me. I had no limits – in anything; or, at least, that was my own perspective. I have been the golden boy, the guy who was guaranteed to be the CEO of the Fortune 7 company one day who was raking in the dough and throwing the money around stylishly. I’ve had my unfair fall from grace. And I’ve fought back. I’ve been naughty and I’ve been nice. I’ve liked and loved and given up and been burned and lost friends and lost money and hated and gone numb. And I have no doubt there are many adventures left. I just hope they lead to greatness. Carson V. Heady on the Independent ticket for President 2016 has a nice ring to it.
In Rocky III, after Mickey dies in the locker room and Rocky takes on Mr. T, there is a moment right before the punch that fells him for good in that fight when Rocky is just standing there….. waiting for the punch to knock him down. Oh, how I know now what that feels like. I have resurrected myself before and I am hesitantly optimistic on several fronts now, but it’s life: there are no guarantees other than change and uncertainty. Rocky stands there; almost wanting that punch to come so he has that out. The fight will be over. Sometimes I wonder if another knockdown punch will result in me accepting the ten-count.
There is a moment in the new 007 film Skyfall when the villain asks of an aged, jaded Bond, “Is there any of the old 007 left?” I’ve felt that recently, too. My cavalier, frolicking and 24/7 days are over, I don’t care about the things I once did and contemplative, reflective evenings of music and writing have long replaced carousing in clubs or chasing skirts and cocktails. And my passion for the selling game has changed dramatically as I have developed new passions that I want to prioritize.
I’m rambling, but these are the things on my mind. I’m at a crossroads. My deepest desires are on the cusp of becoming reality; if only I had the time to make them so! This year will see closure on the two greatest battles of my life, I know I have more books in me if only I had time to pen them…. and I pray to someday soon figure out what I’m going to do when I grow up.
Oh, wait.
