ten min freewrite, revisited.

1) They say that women are gentler, treat each other better. Please. As if we never learned to eroticise our rage, to block out the screaming of the gut.

 2) When she told you that she hated her mother you got nervous but not for too long. Hate is just Love flipped inside out, thrown on its front.

3) You know that if you let her she will do the kind of damage that parts of you scream out for late at night

4) but she will not take care of you and why should she? What are any of us but hurt, missing children?

5) I have searched hard for my very dead parents in women with my fathers stature and men with my mothers fine features 

6) always unwittingly and never successfully.

7) I like the sounds our bodies make when they fall in like.

8)I love the word love…. but only far from home.
safe well worn lines like ‘if it wasn’t for the timing’
or the fact that I have to leave - this isn’t my country, remember?

9) Amicable breakups. Starting the process again. New room, new walls new future friend

10) …and other such distractions from the much bigger problem
of the fractions of the whole of myself.

Yrsa Daley-Ward