Hey Christians, It’s Time to Take Divorce Off the Table

It happened again just the other day. I was talking to a couple–a Christian couple–about a marriage issue they were having. Actually, they were unable to agree on whether they should adopt a child. In the midst of the conversation the husband said, “Yep, we almost split up over it.”

I was stunned. Did I hear this guy right? Did he really just say that they almost divorced over a disagreement about adoption?

I had heard him correctly. And if I hads been thinking, I wouldn’t have been shocked at all. Divorce has become way too easy and way too much of an option for Christian couples.

Disclaimer: This is not an attempt to guilt or shame anyone. I’m rather simply trying to call our attention back to the biblical standard for marriage.

In this blog I’d like to offer a little pushback, a little unconventional thinking.

First, we need to remember that divorce was allowed in the Bible for only very specific reasons. Secondly, we need to remember that God told us in Malachi that he hates divorce. Those two realities alone should be enough to lead most believing couples to take the option of divorce off the table. If God hates it, we shouldn’t want anything to do with it.

But let’s not be vague here. Let be be specific:

 

I only find two reasons for divorce in the Bible:

Marital Infidelity . See Matt 5:31-32. If your spouse breaks covenant with you by being sexual with another person, then you do have a biblical right to divorce them. But even in the case of unfaithfulness divorce isn’t always a good idea. I’ve seen God heal countless situations of adultery, even serial adultery. So while divorce is permitted because of adultery, it is by no means encouraged.
Your spouse is an unbeliever, and he/she wants to leave the marriage . See 1 Cor 7:15. If you’re unequally yoked in your marriage and your spouse decides to leave you, you’re free to let him or her go.

Those are the only two biblical exceptions for divorce. I will say that I have advocated divorce on the tragic occasions of chronic physical abuse, but only after repeated interventions and efforts to reform the abuser.

My conviction is that we’re approaching marriage from the wrong direction. We’ve let the cultural mantras of “happiness at all costs” and the “me first” mindset affect how we see marriage. And instead of looking for reasons to get out of our marriages, we need to remember the primary reason to fight for them.

God’s favorite metaphor for his relationship with us is that of marriage. He describes himself as a passionate and faithful husband and he describes us as his beautiful and faithful bride. And given that, given that amazing image of marriage that God gives us, it behooves us to rethink our commitment to this holy institution.

Perhaps we need to revisit the Book of Hosea. After Hosea’s wife had birthed two children that were not his own, and after she had returned to her former life of prostitution, Hosea went to the brothel where his wife was being auctioned off as a sex slave. Hosea bid on her, bought her back and took her back into his house.

Then he basically to her:

I. Will. Be. Your. Husband.

That’s a far cry from the “He’s not making me happy” or “I deserve better” reasons we hear Christians giving for divorce these days.

Fellow Christians, we’ve made a disgrace of marriage and God will judge us for the callous way we’ve treated such a beautiful and holy institution. You and I, regardless of how many times we’ve been married before, regardless of how unhappy we think we are in our current marriage or how happy we think we’ll be in another, need to take the option of divorce our of our conversations.

We need to take the word “divorce” out of our vocabulary.

We need to teach and model for our children that divorce isn’t even an option. That if you marry someone, you stay with them . . .no matter what.

We need to add “covenant” back into our language and belief about marriage.

And, we need to hold up the holy standard of Christ and his Church as the role models for our marriages.

Paul gave us great instructions in 1 Corinthians 7. He basically said, “If you’re married, stay that way. If you’re single, unless you can agree to unconditionally love and serve someone for the rest of your life, stay single.”

Oh Lord, please forgive us for the flippancy we’ve shown toward marriage. Please help us to model it for what it is: a holy union.