“Utterly Aseductive.”

something that may have happened:

Winter is officially here, which means everyone is stacked on top of one another in the library. Everywhere I look, someone is draped over something, not seductively. When I said this to a co-worker, she said: “No, it’s utterly aseductive.”

At that very moment, a couple walked in front of us. He held her from behind. She was at least 300 lbs, wearing pajamas, her pale stomach hanging out of her shirt. He was wearing a super white coat with a leopard print scarf. They were doing the lurchy walk that you can only do when trying to hold someone from behind.

She looked back and up at him mid-shuffle and moaned, “Oh baby, you gotta hold me like you mean it. I really do not wanna tell you again.”

He adjusted. I do not know if it met her needs.