Where I belong

I don’t know what to do and what to believe. Yes, I want to be religious. Religious and spiritual. But, ah, do my dreams truly have to die? I sometimes want to say that God has played this little prank with us sending is to this earth. I know it is blasphemy but why shouldn’t I think so? There is so much of pain in the world. Yes i know. Buddha’s Nirvana said that it was all because of attachment. But if we are not to have any sort of attachment then why has God instilled such instincts in ua that we love things and people and ideas and dreams and whatever. Isn’t it an exam too long? An exam to keep yourself from what you want and suffer all the time. 
I want to read something spiritual, something that would show me the way. Something like Eat, Pray, Love. 
Okay, i will eat. I will pray. but i am not supposed to love. HahaI sometimes want to tear my hair apart.. What do i do? what do i do? what do i do? Which way do I go?What ever path i take, it would just have pain and longing and suffering. But God wants us to be that way. He is a dictator. Such a dictator.And you can’t even complaint. I feel like laughing. I so feel like laughing.Iqbal was right. “Dard e dil ke waaste paida kiya insaan ko, warna ibaadat ke liye aur bhi thi kurabiyan”