One Thing At A Time

So. Not much going on in the life of me, lately. I mean, work is still fantastic and I come home and maybe watch Supernatural (with the lights on) and play Path of Exile or something else. My dragons in Flight Rising are staying fed and providing me with happy, colorful diversion.

I’ve actually stuck with the Couch-to-5k program and I’m REALLY loving it. Like crazy. I’m on week 5 and feeling great.

But my writing? Hasn’t been going anywhere.

Sometimes? I’m pretty sure that I’m using my running as a way to not write. Like, if I don’t feel like writing, I tell myself “well, you RAN today, so that’s awesome and you should be proud of it.”

Part of me feels like that’s a cop out. That I’m avoiding writing and I need to get back to it.

Part of me, though? Part of me says it’s okay.

I DO need to focus on my health. I have a desk job and desk hobbies and some days I don’t get 3k steps unless I hop on that treadmill. It’s IMPORTANT and that’s true with or without the writing guilt thrown in for good measure.

And that gaming/Supernatural that sounds like such a waste of time? That’s time I spend with my best friend and husband, and that bonding time together is also important. And when I hop off the treadmill at close to 7pm and have dinner and then there’s only maybe two hours left of my day? I’d like to spend that time winding down with my husband instead of locked away to write.

And that’s selfish and ALSO partially an excuse, but it’s still true.

(It’s also meaningless on weekends, but that’s when I’ve been getting any writing done at all lately, so at least there’s THAT.)

Guilt? Guilt’s a pretty powerful, horrible feeling. Sometimes it can kickstart you into doing something you know you need to do, but sometimes it’s just bad emotions circling the drain. A cycle of self-flagellation that leads nowhere good and keeps a person from being able to enjoy what IS happening without constantly whispering that I could be doing BETTER.

I know that I can do better.

I think for now, though? I need to be proud of the fact that I’m running. That I made a goal and I’m sticking to it. I love my husband and I deserve to spend time with him AND to have time where I chill back and unwind.

Even if that means writing isn’t really happening very much right now, I need to be okay with that, and get rid of this guilt.

It’s heavy, and I’m tired of lugging it around with me.

Related posts:

Giving Myself Permission
Pictures of The Desk Are Here!
Life Advice From a Friend