(Very Damn Important Law #5) Journaling is like a daily date with yourself.

This one *kind* of goes hand-in-hand with Be Amber ...you know how, when you first start to date someone, all you wanna do is find out more about them? Whether it’s the questions that you ask or the social network feeds that you stalk or the diaries you read when they’re running out to grab the morning paper, you have this insatiable curiosity for them. To know more about them. To figure them out. To secure some information that you can later use to either delight or destroy them. 

A couple months ago, for one of my weekly nonfiction reads, I picked up one of Steve Harvey's relationship books. From reading it, I started to realize that I didn't really have a clear view on what my values, standards, and requirements were…not just for a relationship, but for myself. The basic values were easy - Racism and homophobia are wrong, stand up to bullies, etc - but when it came to getting clear - really, really clear, as in, being able to recite each value (and why I had it) to someone else…that stuff got hazy. Buried in the pile of everyday life. More grey than black and white.

And when I thought about how much time and energy I usually funnel into getting to know the person I'm dating - I could prepare the kind of detailed dossier on the information I obtained and retained on any boyfriend I've ever had that would make the CIA cower with intimidation (and RESPECT) - it kind of made me laugh. Because one of my biggest pet peeves when I'm dating someone is that I'm putting all this energy into getting to know them when they don't even take the time to find out what my favorite song is. And the point is…why should they, when I don't even take that time for myself?

And the best way to do that, I decided - along with meditation - is journaling. I'm looking at journaling as sacred time…the all-important daily date with myself. I'm not going to put rules on it: I'm not going to force myself to journal three pages everyday (No thanks, The Artist's Way!) or for 15 minutes or anything like that. I can do it once a day or twice or fifteen times, and I can either do it as blogging or in the leather-bound journal I have that looks like the one Sebastian uses in Cruel Intentions. But I know it's going to important, especially as I'm doing all this work and things get hard or frustrating or crazy, to have an outlet for the thoughts and feelings and stuff that will invariably comes up. And maybe I'll light a candle or something. Put on some classical music. Have myself a nice cup of tea while doing it! Make it a real romantic experience for myself, without all that annoying, "Oh, guess I'll just sit here and listen while YOU talk the entire time" bullshit of real dates.

I GET TO TALK, ON THESE DATES! IT'S MY TURN TO TALK NOW! JUST ME! ONLY ME THIS TIME!