A work in progress…
Writing is what I call my work, but what then do I call the other stuff that goes on in my life? Because it’s hard work as well, and requires a multitude of skills, lighting quick reflexes, time management and prioritisation, as well as general knowledge, economics and risk taking.
This is what I’m talking about.
6.45am Personal Shopper
Woken by 6 year old alarm clock carrying the Toy World Catalogue.
Apparently a 6 year old truly cannot have too many car tracks. Because they have made a micro track. It’s different from the Hot Wheels track. And the Cars Track. And the other Cars Track. And anyway, apparently it’s not up to me. It’s up to Santa. He can make all kinds of stuff. So there.
6.55am Doctor / Nurse / Physio
9 Year Old’s foot shoved up my nose (because I don’t have my glasses on)
Discussion ensues regarding the need for the ankle support.
It’s itchy.
Then don’t wear it.
But my ankle hurts.
Then wear it.
6.59am Life Coach and Anti-Bullying Campaigner.
Advise children that am going to the shower. Insist they speak nicely to each other.
Do not fight. Do not touch each other.
7-705am – personal hygiene time. Multi-tasked with practise of possible future job at Roulette table at Casino.
A child (hard to distinguish which as shower door steamed up and not wearing glasses) calls out a sentence that starts with Can I. Other words are muffled under the noise of the water. Judgement call. Do I answer Yes or No. Consider ‘Maybe’ but realise this will just prolong the child speaking words I can’t hear.
Feeling the odds are in my favour. Go with Yes.
Child leaves bathroom without complaining. This is good but could also be monumentally bad. Also, said child leaves bathroom door wide open.
7.10am Hair and Make-up artist.
Stare in mirror while blow drying hair and check for grey hairs. Hold skin back around eyes and pretend I am 21 again.
Small child comes to find out what I am doing.
7.11am Chef.
Do not put cheese in one child’s lunch box.
Do not put Banana in other child’s lunch box.
Provide multiple toast toppings and cut bread in requested shapes.
7.13am Comedian.
Put carrot sticks in both children’s lunch box and tell them to eat them first.
7.20am Personal Stylist and Meteorologist
Point out howling rain and wind outside windows. Explain that am not actually responsible for the weather and do not have any control over turning off the rain.
Create outfit for 6 year old that meets requests for short sleeves and shows supportiveness of one of many countries sporting teams and clubs.
Discuss benefits of warm arms over people being able to see Angry Birds singlet. Point out that Messi does not in fact wear an angry birds t-shirt over his Barcelona team kit.
Acknowledge 6 year olds strength at overcoming southerly wind and rain problem by pulling Barcelona soccer socks up over knees to middle of thighs and covering with his shorts, therefore eliminating need for track pants.
7.30am Childcare professional.
Welcome in nephews. Ask if they slept well. Put more toast in toaster. Wave sister off to work.
7.35am Health advisor
Hand out first plaster of the morning.
Take control of the sugar jar and monitor sugar sprinkling on Weetbix while yelling at the cat to stop her peeing on the carpet.
7.40am Education Support worker. Speed Eater. Responsible Parent.
Eat marmite toast while listening to 6 year old read about Father Bears surprise and fill in notices for class trip that wasn’t for ages but appears to be tomorrow.
7.55am Dental Hygienist. Behaviour Modification Specialist. Vocal projectionist.
Yell louder than the four children trying to brush their teeth all at the same time. Send three children out to the other room. Yell at cat who is once again trying to pee on the carpet. Chase cat around the lounge room until she finally, begrudgingly, goes out into rain.
Yell at three children to get back in the bathroom and brush their teeth.
Not at the same time.
8.05am Childcare professional.
Provide 6 year old with lesson in being responsible and independent.
Ask child to find shoes.
Remove rugby ball from child.
Ask child to find shoes.
Remove other rugby ball from child.
Ask child to find shoes.
Remove hula hoop from child.
8.10am Team building exercise.
Join other children in watching small child hula hoop. Watch each of the other three children hula hoop.
8.15am Hide and seek. Time management.
Hide hula hoop.
Find 6 year Old’s shoes.
Shove shoes on child’s feet.
8.20am Hair dresser
Provide ‘spikes’ in upward and inward fashion as requested.
Brush child’s hair and put in pretty headband. Brush over knots to make it look smooth and cared for.
Glance at desk and see notice instructing that nits are going round the classroom.
Call child back and hastily shove in pony tail. Use hairspray to hold in place. Do not feel bad about cloud of chemical stickiness because apparently nits don’t like it. The googles says so.
8.25am Exercise facilitator. Gardener.
Send children outside to shoot hoops while throw washing on line. Run out of pegs. Dig in between weeds in garden to find extra. Dust dirt off.
8.30am Vocal Projectionist.
Get in car
Get in car
Get in the car.
Don’t forget your bag.
Have you got lunch box.
Get in the car.
Put the balls away.
Away I said.
No not there.
Away.
Get in the car.
Have you got your bag?
8.40am Relay Practise of Olympics.
Run back to house for some ones bag.
Run back to house for notices.
Run back to house for drink bottle.
Run back to house for cell phone and hand bag.
Run back to house because cat has snuck back in.
8.45am Taxi Driver.
drive out of garage.
8.45am Vehicle Safety Inspector.
Stop car and assist with seat belt securing.
8.46am Taxi Driver.
Drive car down driveway.
8.46am Vehicle Safety Inspector.
Pull over to side of road. Children opening and slamming doors open shut while establishing which one not shut properly. Get out of car and shut boot properly.
8.51am Beater of the School Bell.
Shuttle kids out of car. Open boot and fire bags at children.
No we are not late.
You will be fine.
Off you go.
Walk quickly.
Quickly.
Okay run. Not too fast. Don’t fall over.
8.54am Parenting and Childcare Expert.
Always leave on happy note.
Have a lovely day guys.
Have fun.
Love you.
Wave kindly from top of ramp in hopes of fooling other parents into believing how organised you are.
9am. Tea Lady.
9.05am Writer.
Feel free to like this post if you’re a parent responsible for getting any small creature out of the house each morning!!!!
Tagged: children, mornings, school run, stay at home dad, stay at home mum
The World of WellyChelle
- Rochelle Elliot's profile
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